
Arts terrorism today struck the sleepy hamlet of Wanga-vague-as.
Townsfolk awoke to find pamphlets had been strewn on the Diva's front lawn. In a move calculated to strike fear into the heart of peace-loving people everywhere, pieces of crudely printed paper were carelessly dumped around the St Johns Hill pied-a-terre with absolutely no thought to the danger.
"If it had rained overnight, we could have had a mulch situation," said the head of Wanga-vague-asses quickly formed crack anti-terrorism unit, Bill Scroggins. "But luckily I was here with my Council broom and wheelie bin before anything too serious happened. What? A policeman? No I'm not a bloody policeman you twerp, they're busy downtown cordoning off the streets in case any more office equipment becomes airborne." And, donning his bright orange protective clothing, Mr Scroggins bravely wheeled his bin toward the mess.
"That's the kind of loyalty that deserves reward," a clearly distressed and sensitive Diva said, between mouthfuls of the raw meat he usually consumes for breakfast. "I may order R.. err I mean the new CEO whose name I can't disclose to take him off the staff retrenchment list". Obviously shaken, the Diva momentarily stopped recreationally poking his caged wolverine to raise a delicate finger skywards. For a moment LawsWatch thought it was the Diva's familiar farewell. "I could have got a paper cut," he said, clearly unable to contemplate the implications of having his favourite gesture marred by an ugly band-aid.
Vowing to bravely continue the fight against "anyone who looks, you know, kind of aesthetic", the obviously distraught civic leader backed his mayoral grunt-car over a couple of onlookers. Crying "get back to Raetihi, you genetic deficients!", the delicate and sensitive mayor burned rubber as he headed to a top secret, invitation-only meeting on open and accountable governance.

Meanwhile, LawsWatch has been able to obtain an exclusive interview with the group responsible. "We're the popular front for the... ahhh... the... errr...," said a man whom we'll call "Terry" because that's what his friends kept calling him, to which he'd reply "Shut up man! What did we say about names?!".
"The uhhh... liberation fighters for...," "Terry" continued, adding "look, can we just leave it till I've had another cone, man? I'm like all inspired out for the day after that lawn thing, you know?"
Asked for the group's motivation, Terry focused on this reporter (well, he gave it a good try) and his anger was clearly evident. "What is it with this 'motivation' c**p man?" he asked. "Like, our lecturers and stuff at U... I mean the secret terrorist training camp... are always telling us we need motivation. Well let me tell you, man, motivation isn't easy," he said, rolling another curious cigarette. "Only the other day the fascist forces of totalitarianism made me fill in a form just to get my student grant continued."
Asked about the location of the terrorists' secret training camp, Terry took a long drag and claimed never to be able to find his way there, before greedily consuming three Moro bars and falling asleep.
LawsWatch has been unable to confirm earlier stories that the terrorist's first target was what they thought to be a garden gnome on the Diva's lawn, only to have to return it later when they realised they'd kidnapped Nygllhuw Morris.
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