Lies, damned lies and transcripts

LawsWatch has a very open comments policy, accepting all sorts of opinion both in support of and against the actions and utterances of the Mayor. Mostly we let these pass without comment, as any innaccuracy is quickly seized upon by other commenters and corrected. But we were particularly intrigued by a comment added to the last post regarding the "Morning Report" item this morning looking at reaction to Michael Laws' comments on River Road:

Anonymous said...
Not even available on RNZ's website. i heard it too: he didn't get "roasted". He repeated the comments and said that they were accurate as did the Wanganui Chronicle in its editorial. there is some very subjective wish fulfilment fantasy going on in this blog. sad that no-one would have been listening given that its Wellington Anniversary Day.
2:05 PM, January 22, 2007

The blunt statement that the piece wasn't available on RNZ's website was quickly corrected. However, as that RSS link is likely to change tomorrow when new stories are added, here is the link direct to RNZ's mp3 file (2.6Mb).

Eventually though, that will disappear too. But as part of our role as archivists of Mickey's lunatic outbursts, we've preserved a copy for posterity here. So if the direct link stops working, use that one.

So having dispensed with the first lie (or inadvertent inaccuracy, if you want to be charitable) let's look at the more subjective, but much more insidious, claim: that Mickey "didn't get roasted".

Of course you can listen and decide for yourselves using the links above, but we've had a Watcher transcribe pertinent parts of the item. While by no means every word spoken is reproduced below, we have not excluded anyone from the transcript.

We should also add that names were transcribed as they sounded and were sometimes a little hard to hear. We apologise to anyone whose name is misspelled and will happily correct it if you let us know in comments or by emailing us (use the link on the right - "send us your scuttlebutt"). Actual quotes from the RNZ item are in blue; summarisation is in black. Emphasis is ours.

Rory Smith has been chair or deputy of the district's tourism organisation for a decade, but can't make sense of comments like this by Mayor Michael Laws.

(Mickey raves about River Road being like a "3rd world country")

Rory Smith says that's not the river he knows.

(Mickey rants about crime)

Tour operator Rory Smith is again mystified. "There's no targeting of tourists up the river, I can say that quite categorically..."

Len and Gillian Moorhouse (operators of a farm lodge on the road): "We never hear any bad words about it (from international tourists)".

The Moorhouses say Mr Laws seems misinformed about the River Road Community of 300 and what its visitors want.

Jula Teke (Ngati Pamoana): "They (tourists) want to see the people. They want to see Maoris".

Jula Teke says the Mayor is irrelevant. "I don't really like to give him much of anything... of any recognition because when people talk like that about a whole lot of people... what do they deserve? Nothing".

Mickey denies it's about race. "I'll say this one more time, slowly, so you can understand...")

The head of Jerusalem's Sisters of Compassion, Sue Cosgrove, says the Mayor's words offer nothing to her mostly Maori neighbours. "Sure, a lot of people are on benefits, but it only diminishes people to have such statements made without real knowledge of the people. And just to see a headline like that in a way it just sort of speaks of the Mayor".

Not counting the reporter, who seemed to like what he saw on his journey up the road, the entire cast of this short drama were critical of Mickey, including three tourist operators, a Maori spokesperson and a nun.

Roasted? Stick a fork in Mickey, he's done.

Update (6.30pm): Meanwhile in other news, the Mayor of a small town has been assassinated. The entire population are being treated as suspects. "He was an unpleasant man who ran this place like his personal kingdom. He made life difficult for most of us but for a select few he made life impossible," one resident said.

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Peace in our time

Anonymous said...
From the RadioNZ website:
Wanganui District mayor Michael Laws says New Zealand needs some national decision making on rural roading before some back country roads are abandoned by councils.
HE DOES NOT INTEND TO CLOSE ANY RURAL ROADS AT PRESENT.
Where does this power crazed idiot get off?
5:06 PM, January 18, 2007

---

Wanganui Mayor Michael Laws, speaking today from the mountain top retreat, the Lawsgaden, where he spends the weekends with longtime companion 'Leo' Braun and ObergruppenMayor 'Dotty' Himmler, has reassured his subjects that, at this time, he has no plans to annexe rural roads.

"Of course, the expansion of the LawsReich is paramount," he said, while lighting a cigarette in a long holder and stroking the head of a slavering, snarling Rottweiler. "But at this point we have negotiated a truce with those schweinhunds in Raetihi and other places whose names it sickens me to utter".

Twirling his moustache - which oddly seemed to have been waxed at the tips - the would-be Ruler of All He Surveys spread out a map atop what first appeared to be an intricately carved coffee table.

"Mein Gott!" he suddenly expostulated, kicking out viciously at the table with his highly polished jackboot. "Keep a straight back, Rangi! How many times must I tell you?!"

"Sorry, Mein Fuhrer," replied Cr Wills (for it was he), "but my knees are getting sore. I've been crawling all week." Ignoring the pleas of his underling, the Father of the Fatherland seemed to take particular delight in sticking a pin in the map, eliciting a muted shriek from beneath it.

"Here," he said, pointing to Wanganui, "is to be the centre of the LawsReich. But there are white skinned, blue eyed people living in these filthy, decadent little towns all around. It is their destiny to be part of the Reich. Of course we hope that their councils will see the historical inevitability of this and simply surrender. Or that the League of Nations... sorry, Representation Commission... will simply cede the entire area to me.

"But if we have to annexe them by closing their roads then we shall do so. Those who meet the genetic standards of the Reich will be welcomed with open arms. Dr "Phillippa" Mengele will be on hand to test their physical fitness. Those who fail because they are found wanting - say, through an unfortunate skin pigmentation - will be... ummm... what is the word, Dotty?"

"Relocated, Mein Fuhrer!" responded Dotty, attempting to click her heels together and salute at the same time, and thus poking herself in the eye and falling over. "You know, on the trains, to the big holiday camps, like on the secret plans in the..." The rest of her exposition was muffled as the Rottweiler, which seemed to have accidentally slipped it's Master's leash, began trying to swallow her head.

"Yes... re-lo-cated," said the Mayor, for some reason sounding out every syllable. From somewhere just inside the castle doors, three ominous, resonate notes sounded.

"Sorry, boss, sat on the piano accordion again," said Field Marshall "Hermann" Warburton, stumbling onto the balcony. "Ahhh Warburton," said the Mayor, ignoring the fact that Warburton appeared to have tripped over a dog which had choked on an unusually large and misshapen head, "how goes it at headquarters?"

"Well, Mein Fuhrer," said Warburton, collapsing into a chair and putting his feet up on a nearby Ottoman, which turned out to be Cr Hughes, who'd curled up in the sun and gone to sleep as usual. "Sorry Muzza," said Warburton. "Oh, don't mind me," replied Hughes cheerfully, "I'm used to being walked all over, aren't I Fuhrer?"

"The headquarters?" snapped Laws, becoming ever more impatient with the incompetents with whom he'd chosen to surround himself. "Blind obedience comes at a price", he thought to himself ruefully.

"Ah yes, well..." replied Warburton, wondering how to tell his boss that they hadn't been able to cover up the fact that "Sue" Quisling had finally deserted to Wellington. Deciding that he'd better get the bad news out of the way first (especially since there was no good news) he outlined the latest strategic failure.

"Unfortunately, sir, that 'Mayoral survey' of 'central city violence' that we'd planned to use as an excuse to introduce more brownshirts..." Catching the Fuhrer's look, he quickly corrected himself. "Sorry, Mein Fuhrer, 'citizens patrols'... well it didn't quite turn out as we planned."

"Gott in Himmel!" screamed the Mayor, smashing a riding crop which he always kept handy for such occasions down on the table, provoking it to say "Thank you teacher" before blushing profusely.

"It seems the good burghers of Wanganui aren't quite as stupid as we'd assumed," said Field Marshall Warburton. "They said there wasn't any violence."

"Oh they did, did they?" asked the Mayor, rhetorically. "Eva, hand me that empty wine bottle!" he snapped, ducking expertly as it came flying across the room. "Ach! It isn't a fax machine you know," he joked, his wry smile not quite hiding the dark look that crossed his features. Rangi would suffer that night, after the sun set and the servants were asleep.

"Higgie!" he snapped at a soldier who seemed to have her hat on backwards, and had got round this problem by drilling two eye-holes in it rather than turning it round. "I have a job for you. You have proven your worth as the greatest suck-up on my staff. Take this bottle and this hose, go down to my car and fill it with gasoline."

"Yes Mein Fuhrer!" said Higgie, beaming with glee. "Shall I also soak my clothing and strike a match to prove my unthinking dedication to the Reich, Mein Fuhrer?!"

"Some other time, perhaps," Laws replied, pausing a moment or two to savour the mental picture. "When it's full, get me Oberlieutenant Morgs on the phone. Tell him I have some real work experience for him and his Laws Youth".

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Flimflam man

Just before we change the topic, we'd draw attention to this comment on the previous post:

Anonymous said...
Folks, we're getting sidetracked with frivolous issues. We need to get the word out to the public to pressure the WDC in[to] getting a S&P rating.
2:26 PM, January 15, 2007

As with most LawsWatch posts a whole raft of extraneous (but nonetheless interesting) issues were debated. And we welcome and encourage that. But where there's a chance to actually do something rather than simply vent, let's seize that opportunity. Talk to neighbours, write to the newspapers (yeah, we know, but the editors might just let through one letter critical of the Mayor, to "balance" the dozen or so he writes in praise of himself (using both his own name and those of his imaginary friends)).

If someone thinks Council is doing a great job, then a Standard and Poors assessment will surely provide that opinion with a sound factual backing. So no reasonable person could object, surely?

And now onto the next gulp of Michael Laws' Patented Fiscal Flimflammery (available in Snake Oil flavour from all good magic stores).

Apparently, it's okay to leave some rural settlements without a passable road (effectively rendering them unlivable and wiping out the value of private properties) because "the economic return on some of the roads servicing our region doesn't provide a return to the ratepayers" according to Mickey. (We await the spirited defence of rural dwellers from their Rural Community Board members - people like Nickie Higgie, Alan Taylor and Don McGregor. And wait. And wait...)

So projects are evidently now going to be assessed on the basis of cold, hard, financial criteria measuring economic return to ratepayers. Doesn't allow much room for human concerns, but at least it's not a flexible measuring stick. Economic returns from a project are relatively easy to measure, and once everyone agrees on the measuring tools it takes all the emotion; all of the purely personal, egotistical considerations, out of the equation.

So on that basis, we await Mickey's explanation (and objective measurement) of the economic returns to ratepayers of:

• Any of the "Heart of Wanganui" options
• The Splash Centre extension
• The $1.8 million waterfront project (originally costed at $260,000 in the 2005 Referendum, a cost blowout of seven times the original estimate before work has even begun).

And that's just for starters.

The prompt for his remarks was apparently Muriel Newman's suggestion that that all petrol taxes and road-user charges be invested back into roading. This has long been NZ First policy, which alert readers will recall Mickey often lays claim to having invented almost single-handedly. Yet offered the opportunity to resoundingly endorse Ms Newman's idea, he uses it as a platform to launch an attack on isolated rural settlements who actually have the audacity to believe that - as they pay rates too - they have a right to roading maintenance.

No prizes for guessing the ethnicity of most of those people.

Oh, and by the way, Rangi Wills? Yes you, asleep up the back there. These are your constituents that are going to suffer most under this bold new roading policy. Any thoughts? A single thought will do...

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Fools' Paradise

Some excellent additional awards suggested in response to the previous post. One of the most pertinent must surely be:

Best example of why the entire council should be thrown out in October:

The appalling decision to chop flood protection works from the long term plan and put Wanganui at risk (and the Chron for doing such a good coverup). Still who needs stopbanks when you've got aging rockers at Cooks and water slides.

10:43 AM, January 02, 2007

Indeed. And who needs constituents, when they don't measure up to Mickey's whitebread well-off view of the world, as his latest ill-tempered bout of thinly disguised racism in the Chron this morning demonstrates.

How dare poor unemployed people live in, or even near, Mickey's idealised world, especially if they happen to be cheeky darkies. One would have thought that their willingness to live together well outside the city limits would have met with his approval. After all, leaders of Mickey's mindset have always favoured those "g" word solutions - ghettoisation, gulags and, if all else fails, genocide. Perhaps it's just the fact that the government-imposed works programme which will see the resealing of River Road means more tourists might accidentally stumble upon some brown people. What Mickey needs to realise is that not every white skinned person reacts to that prospect with the same level of distaste as does he. Heck, some tourists have even been known to come to New Zealand for the specific purpose of seeing brown folk, strange as that may seem.

Of course as anon above points out, by the time the drains are buggered and the stormwater is washing away the underfill not only in River Road but probably in Victoria Ave as well, Mickey will be long gone. Or perhaps sitting on the DHB, finding ways to blame Maori for their own appalling health statistics.

The award for best award (we think we've just won an award ourselves, for worst tortuosity of 2007) however, goes to this comment. We couldn't have said it better ourselves, anon:

The Real Heroes of 2006:

Those Council staff who managed to survive at Guyton St without licking the mayor’s arse (ie most definitely NOT his old school chum Kevvie) and got up every day and went to work amid the perilous dysfunction and low staff numbers, and did their best for the ratepayers of Wanganui despite Mickey’s madness and abuse, and the toxic terror of the vile and incompetent Dr Warbum. Thanks, guys, you’re the real heroes.

5:17 PM, December 31, 2006

P.S.: Don't forget, the well-deserved Cheeky Darkie Award, and footage of the Kahui "joke", can still be seen by clicking here.

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