The worm's turn

When even the Chron takes notice of something which doesn't paint Mickey in the most positive light, it's a sure sign something is up. So even John Maslin couldn't resist noting that whilst Mickey was having yet another hissy fit at the MRI in a blatant and ultimately futile attempt to justify his earlier criticism, he was shot down not only by Muzza Hughes (who actually represents Wanganui on the MRI and thus might know a little more than Mickey about what went on) but by Dotty.

"The Wanganui District Council is not the only player in this and, Michael, we know you have your view on this" said Dotty. Translation: you've embarrassed us enough with other territorial local authorities Mickey, now be a good boy and belt up.

This sudden show of bravery might actually be admirable if it wasn't purely motivated by Dotty's now desperate need to distance herself from the handbasket headed for Hell which is diVision. Even the likes of Randhir Dahya, Don McGregor and Rangi Wills have occasionally choked on the garbage they've been fed. But Mickey has always been able to rely on his dumpy chorus line of Don McGregor and Nicki Higgie, with Sue Pepperell in the backline from Wellington and Phillipa Baker-Hogan trying to sing solo from the wings so as to keep her distance from the melee on stage.

No matter what the provocation - be it abuse of female Council staff, failing to attend civic functions and expecting her to fill in, or insisting she be a human shield during the Code of Conduct hearings - Dotty has stood by her man.

Only now, when he's made it abundantly clear that he won't be standing by her; that the three years of abject humiliation have all been for nothing, has the worm realised she won't be getting her turn at the Mayoralty after all.

It's pique and political expediency which have led to this independent frame of mind, nothing more. Dotty has been used and cast aside, yet she was a willing participant the entire time - no doubt laying back and thinking of the Mayoralty. To expect admiration for her "independence" now underestimates the intelligence of the electorate - and there's no better illustration of that than the fact that even the pro-Mickey commenters here are following the lead of their idol and consigning Dotty to the scrap heap.

And so ends another political career of someone foolish enough to align themselves with Michael Laws...

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Bad news bares all

Watchers thinking of attending tomorrow's Strategy Committee meeting had best take along hearing aids, ear trumpets and perhaps request the Council flash subtitles on a TV monitor because it'll be very difficult to hear, such will be the deafening flapping of pigeons coming home to roost.

Before we get to the meaty parts of the agenda (or the gristly bits, from Michael Laws' perspective) it's worth noting that the document highlights the functional illiteracy of one of Mickey's hand-picked flunkies, Senior Policy Advisor Stu Hylton.

Not only is there reference to "the amount of 'events'" but also this little gem: "The council’s officers who are currently trying the 'reign back' the types and frequency of events"...

Isn’t it cute, the way he puts quotes around his grammatical clangers? We wonder if he puts in hours colouring in title pages for the original reports, like some Watchers used to do in the hope that their teacher wouldn't notice the fact they couldn't spell. Or form a coherent recommendation. But then we went on to graduate from primary school...

Anyway, aside from lamenting just how hard it is to find good help nowadays, Mickey must be fuming at the performance of those other hand-picked lackeys, WINC.

Right there in what should be an innocuous introduction, Chairman Ron Janes drops a clanger:

This report will discuss the activities of Wanganui Inc (WINC) for the 17 weeks since my last report to the Strategy Committee dated 3 November 2006…

Seventeen weeks?! At the time of WINC’s "birth" concerns from Councillor Westwood et al that it would lack accountability were met with an assurance that it was perfectly accountable because it would report six weekly. And my what a lot of dirty smelly water has stagnated under the bridge in the last 17 weeks.

Of course the "discussion" isn't meant to include the mugs in the public gallery who actually pay for the Michael Laws Memorial Events Orgy. The proposal is to kick the public out at the end of the meeting but to let Ron stay to discuss "Wanganui Inc structure: Staff and commercial matters" which no doubt is about Mickey deciding to yank his bastard offspring back into the Vision family.

The remainder of the report is riddled with some quotes from Razor Gang Ron which we'll bet won't see the light of day in the Chronic (unless Mickey decides to turn on WINC and blame them for his shortcomings, in which case of course they will be published, well marinated in Guyton Street Spin Potion):

WINC continues working with a low year-end profit expectation but stable cashflow. The year-end predicted profit/loss is $5,000 profit versus a budget of $20,000 profit.

WINC has met with a number of the top 30 companies in Wanganui … feedback from companies has included: ...A view that events are getting all the attention and local business growth is being overlooked.

Yikes Ron, that sounds spookily like what John Martin said when he launched his campaign. Positioning to keep your nose in the trough under a new administration, are we?

But the comedy of errors doesn't end there Watchers. Ron goes on to say:

Branding: A successful launch of the new ... branding ... comment has been very positive and the brand family provides excellent leverage for Wanganui.

Of course the fact is, this is a joke. There have been numerous letters to the Chronic saying it’s dated, boring, stupid etc., and much derision around town, including from visitors. And most notably from mad Rana Waitai, who thought he was leaping in to help Mickey attack the tourism MRI but muddled it up with WINC's Mickey-inspired "branding" and called it a "wet dish cloth".

But wait, as the best snake oil salesmen say (and Razor Ron has sold his fair share of that particular ungent in his time), there's more:

BOXING DAY CONCERT:

Income $123,069; expenditure $220,321; loss $97,251... Facility costs – less due to some efficiency gains and a favourable rate from Cooks.

Yep, $97,251 of ratepayers' cash down the failing sewer and that's despite Mickey’s other tame lackeys at Cooks Gardens giving them mate’s rates so the venue cost came in at $16,640.89 versus a budgeted $25,000. If it wasn't for that, losses from that one event would have topped the $105,000 mark.

They even managed to drop a set of speakers during set-up which "likely will be covered by the crane’s insurer". And on it goes:

Security – $18,113 cf budget $10,000 – More due to WINC initially assessing we could make efficiencies with this but subsequently deciding in conjunction with the police and facility management that robust and quality security was important.

Attendance/sales: 2100 paying attendees, plus corporate box holders at approximately 200, and comps of 200.

So the ratepayer subsidy for each paying person was $46.31.

And it looks like Antoinette Beck was called in to survey the bikers at the cemetery circuit (what can she have been up to?!):

There was a 93% awareness of the concert at Bikes. Of those at the Bikes 28% 'needed to get home or were tired'. 14% thought 'it was too expensive'. 7% said 'the performers didn’t appeal'.

So what did Antoinette do with the other 51 percent we ask, and did it have anything to do with all those hay bales?

Never fear though, Watchers. This wasn't an example of yet more gross wastage of public money in the name of Making Michael Laws Look Good. Because we can all benefit from what Antoinnete calls "learnings". (We presume this is something she learned from Borat (renowned author of "Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan") during the time Mickey sent her into exile.

The learning from this includes:

• An international act should be sought if cost structured in this manner.
• A lack of exclusivity likely had a negative impact.
• The Bike racing does not necessarily bring a crowd that attends a concert and accommodation is already stretched.

Gee, who'd have thunk it. But now we've spent all that money on proving what good common sense ought to have told us in the first place, the bad news for Mickey must surely be over, right?

Wrong.

A year ago there was a ludicrous spin job done on the BERL report on Wanganui’s economic performance wherein the Chron helpfully confused absolute and relative rankings, to the benefit of Mickey of course.

The Wanganui district economy has come third on the BERL (Business and Economic Research Limited) local authority rankings in 2005, skyrocketing from just 56th place the previous year... Mayor Michael Laws said the result was a stunning achievement for the district.

Now BERL (in the person of Jiani Wu and Dr Ganesh Nana) are delivering the unvarnished bad news. And even John Quisling... sorry, Maslin and Kirsty Macnicol won't be able to spin this as something it's not, though we're sure they'll try:

Executive summary

All Key Performance Indicators except business units growth, had negative growth in 2006. It includes resident population growth, real value added growth, GDP per capita growth, employment growth, productivity growth and business size growth.

GDP decreased by 3.2 percent compared to a 2.2 percent increase nationally and employment growth, at -0.1 percent compared to a 2.2 percent increase nationally... These outcomes resulted in the decrease of GDP per capita at the rate of 3.2 percent. Productivity growth, at -3.9 percent, was still worse below the national decline of 1.0 percent.

Absolute rankings

Overall rank 2005: 28; 2006: 57. All indicators are down (Ed: they even use a filled-in black downward pointing arrow, just so the Chron don't try to substitute another phrase like, say, "up") except for resident population growth.

Nero had his fiddle... Mickey has his cha cha.

Meanwhile, the proposed Gang Bill has been mugged again, this time by the editorial writers in Mickey's old stamping ground. Hawkes Bay Today (sister paper of the Chron) asks:

...more importantly what practical benefit will it bring? The "patch" is a manifestation of tribal, gang behaviour. It's not the other way around. It will be simple enough to circumvent such a ban using other common symbols, from hairstyles to body piercing and tattoos. And if they are to be banned, who is to choose what skin adornments or haircuts are acceptable?

It would be tempting to put any such law to a simple, if expensive, test: If Mongrel Mob members were identified by their Gucci loafers (as members of Britain's hoodlum "Chav" subculture are by their beige-checked Burberry caps) then luxury designer footwear would have to be barred from treading inner-city streets.

Such a ban is little more than a gesture. It satisfies the need to be seen to be doing something but is unlikely to curb boorish and criminal behaviour, which ought to be the real targets

A gesture? Ah yes, of course. That's one of the few things Mickey's good at.

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A bad day for LawsWatch, a worse one for Mickey

As regular readers will know, Watchers usually devote considerable time to creating pictorial flights of fancy which, we'll admit, have as their primary aim making Mickey look faintly ridiculous.

While not always worthy of a place in the Sarjeant, there have been a number of illustrations of which we've been rather proud. They have, we've felt, perfectly captured the underlying vanity and slight unhingedness of Wanganui's Mayor. But we've been outdone. Our almost two years of effort have been magnificently eclipsed by none other than Mickey himself, with this effort.

It's his official "Dancing with the Stars" pic. Nothing which we could possibly do to it could improve it. The satin. The plunging neckline. The chest hair. The look which suggests he didn't have to be tied down and forcibly made to dress this way but in fact thinks he looks quite spiffy. Never in our wildest imaginings (or perhaps worst morning-after visions) could we have created such an image.

And what's more, we've been trounced in our ability to predict Mickey's next move by none other than the DomPost's TV reviewer, Jane Bowron, who presciently writes:

Dollars for donuts mayor Michael Laws will make a beeline for the costume department and opt for the one-piece dancing suits male ballroom dancers favour and will make sure his top half is open right down to the waist.

We admit, we read that and scoffed. No surely, we thought, even Mickey - especially at his age - would go for something elegant and stylish, like the tux we portrayed him wearing in our last post. But we couldn't have been more wrong, or Bowron more right. She also highlights the fact that many of the "Stars" this season have resumes which contain a lot of prefixes like "used to be" or "former":

TVNZ's announcement that this year's DWTS lineup includes Treasure Island has-beens such as Greer Robson, Suzanne Paul, April Ieremia and Michael Laws proves that the network has no money in the coffers to hire any real talent and has to rely on its stable of trained mice to peddle the wheel of its most profitable show.

Having the current crop of DWTS leering from the covers of the women's magazines as they tell the breathless story of their new found passion for the paso doble and show off their amazing weight loss for eight long weeks is too depressing for words.

Someone should start up a campaign similar to recent suggestions to have cigarettes placed out of sight at shop counters, and magazines bearing the heavy cargo of shameless self- promotion from these come-back kids should follow suit.

Meanwhile his latest would-be headline-grabber, the gang law being promoted by Mickey's sock puppet Chester Borrows, is dead in the water - at least according to Local Government NZ who say it's "unlikely to succeed".

Then there's Tuesday's Strategy Committee meeting, which looks to be packed with items potentially as painful for the Mayor as getting a short hair caught in the V of a plunging neckline. We'll post on that in a day or two.

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Turning the tables

Mickey just loves his referenda. Careful manipulation of the facts and an electorate where around half the people are too disinterested or disillusioned to bother casting a vote make it easy to derive the outcome you want. And if that fails, you can always throw away the votes and cook up the result yourself (c.f. The Demon Profession, re the NZ First list).

Of course he doesn't describe it that way. The diVision "democracy policy" says, grandly:

Vision Wanganui will, literally, give power to the people. A real and direct influence upon all issues of local significance and a more effective input into Council decision-making. We will also pioneer the concept of ‘direct democracy’ and ensure that Wanganui leads the rest of the country in its decision-making processes. We will create a genuine partnership between the Council and its ratepayers and residents.

Etc etc... but buried beneath the rhetoric is this:

1.2 Citizens themselves may institute a district-wide referendum if 10% or over of those enrolled on the Wanganui District Council electoral roll gather the requisite signatures. Any subsequent referendum held would be binding upon the council (provided that the outcome did not breach any government legislation or legal guidelines).

Hold that thought, Watchers, and turn your attention to the latest piece of Mickery... sorry, trickery, from the Mayor who promised "nil rates increases": a rates increase. Of 1.8 percent, no less, on top of a 3 percent increase in 2006/07, for a grand total of 4.8 percent over three years.

And that's if you accept that 2005/06 actually brought forth a nil rates rise, which slobbering lapdog "senior reporter" John Maslin inevitably does. That of course was Michael Laws-speak for "some people will get screwed while some will benefit, for a median rise of nil". But who's counting, right? Certainly not Mas, who was editor at the time.

We could pause at this point to recite (somewhat predictably, we admit) our usual mantra: that this additional impost on ratepayers wouldn't be necessary (and Michael Laws would be our "Person of the Year" rather than Midweak's) if it weren't for the construction of monuments to Mickey's reign (e.g. the Splash Centre) and his personality (an enormous, and growing, legal bill).

But we're often asked whether we have alternative solutions to Wanganui's problems. In this case, we do.

A quick trawl through Wikipedia reminds us of California Proposition 13 (1978):

Proposition 13, officially titled the "People's Initiative to Limit Property Taxation," was a ballot initiative to amend the constitution of the state of California. The initiative was enacted by the voters of California on June 6, 1978. It would eventually be upheld as constitutional by the United States Supreme Court in the case of Nordlinger v. Hahn, 505 U.S. 1 (1992). Proposition 13 is embodied in Article 13A of the California Constitution.

The most significant portion of the act is the first paragraph, which capped real estate taxes:

SECTION 1. (a) The maximum amount of any ad valorem tax on real property shall not exceed One percent (1%) of the full cash value of such property. The one percent (1%) tax to be collected by the counties and apportioned according to law to the districts within the counties.

Its passage resulted in a cap on property tax rates in the state, reducing them by an average of 57%. In addition to lowering property taxes, the initiative also contained language requiring a two-thirds majority in both legislative houses for future increases in all state tax rates or amounts of revenue collected, including income tax rates. Proposition 13 received an enormous amount of publicity, not only in California, but throughout the United States. Passage of the initiative presaged a "taxpayer revolt" throughout the country that is thought to have contributed to the election of Ronald Reagan to the presidency in 1980.

In fact Massachusetts, Oregon, Colorado and Florida all went on to copy key provisions of the Proposition 13, while voters in 18 other states passed nearly 40 statewide tax-limiting measures. And bear in mind, Watchers, that in the US local councils not only fund the more prosaic stuff like sewage and water but also pay for police, fire brigades etc. So when Proposition 13 was advanced the naysayers predicted anarchy. Of course it never happened, and in fact the state grew faster than ever.

The measure is not perfectly drafted. For one thing, it had the unexpected result of capping rates from commercial properties and thus shifting the overall burden toward homeowners. The share of state revenue from residential property taxes has steadily increased, while the proportion from commercial properties has steadily declined. But having been enacted in the US for over quarter of a century, it's easy to see where Proposition 13 succeeds (stopping Councils raising rates to pay for their own follies) and where it fails, and to draft something better.

So here's our solution. Getting ten percent of voters - stung by an average 4.8% increase to cover Mickey's profligacy over the past three years - to sign a citizens-initiated referendum imposing a rates cap similar to Proposition 13 ought not to be hard.

Once the thing is signed, march on Guyton Street and deliver it to Michael Laws (cameras in tow, of course, so he and Antoinette Back can't lose a few reams of it between the front steps and his office). Then sit back and watch the fun, and start thinking of what you'll spend your extra money on once Mad Mickey's Expenditure Tango trips over its own shoelaces.

More on Proposition 13 (and well worth a read) from the Cato Institute, Cal-Tax Research, PBS, and the full text of the law is here.

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Follow the money

A week is indeed a long time in the hit-and-run politics practised by the mayor of Wanganui. It’s just over a week since Michael Laws launched his assault on the Government-funded tourism MRI (Major Regional Initiative) designed to develop international-standard branding and promotion of the attractions of the Ruapehu, Rangitikei and Wanganui districts.

Many Watchers have found remarkable similarities between this episode and the shameful Sarjeant Gallery campaign with which Mickey commenced his reign of terror as the Mad King of Wanganui two and a half years ago.

Both involved:

• Mayoral abuse of individuals who were voluntarily giving their time, expertise and passion for good causes.
• Mayoral abuse of the ratepayer-funded Council website to dance around the lines of defamation.
• Hysterical demands for the resignation of individuals concerned.
• Much ado about 'confidential' minutes.
• Dumb and complicit silence from council CEOs and others like, in this case, Cr Murray Hughes.
• The whole thing fuelled by the willingness of the Wanganui Chronicle (with John Maslin acting as chief propaganda minister) to run Mickey’s press releases under the biggest headlines while leaving any attempt at balance coveraged for later, and smaller.

As some Watchers have noted, Wanganui’s Mickey Mouse mayor briefly went quiet, retired to his hole, chewed his tail and planned his next assault on decency and democracy. The Chronic got around to running some stories from the other side (notably, though, by reporters other than Michael Laws' one-trick pony John Maslin) and even, today, an editorial attempting to be balanced. Then Mickey burst out of his hole this afternoon and upped the ante by pretending his madness might be taken seriously by the Auditor General.

But no doubt the "victims" of the MRI tirade, principally its chair Uwe Kroll, are now wondering, "what the hell was that about?!" Similar rhetorical questioning is no doubt taking place in the minds of those, like David Cairncross and Bill Millbank, who were left in the Sarjeant wreckage and are now reconsidering the worth of volunteering their time and expertise in future.

As one commenter has advised LawsWatch, when you’re looking to explain the apparently inexplicable actions of Michael Laws, it always helps to follow the money. And once again, the money trail seems to lead to Mr and Ms Flim-Flam's (a.k.a. Mickey and Sally Patrick) grand Heart of Wanganui folly.

Way back in late 2004-early 2005, when the Heart was no more than sketches on a paper napkin left behind after Mickey and Sally met for coffee at Indigo, it would have been apparent to a blind mouse that the Sarjeant extension plan, with its generous dollop of government dosh, could not be allowed to progress if Mickey and the then-librarian were to push their mega-million dollar library-museum-underground carpark scheme past an unsuspecting public. By now Watchers should be chanting, pantomime-like: "Follow the money!!"

Fast-forward to February 2007 and there’s a referendumb on Sally's and Mickey’s Heart project looming, not to mention another election. Mr Flim and Ms Flam know their cockamamie scheme is in for a hiding as some hard questions begin to be asked about funding arrangements. Vision has shaken dry just about every council piggy bank Mickey can get his hands on, from mayoral relief funds to prime land assets, so the MRI money box (with its cool $2 million), must be looking pretty attractive right now. Especially since it seems some of that dosh will be headed the way of the Waiouru Army Museum multi-million dollar expansion when according to Mickey’s "me me meeee!" brand of illogic, it should be tossed with gay abandon at his delusional Heart.

So, just as the Sarjeant extension had to go – and went, amid a hail of bullets and corpses – Michael Laws will doubtless have seen the MRI’s democratic processes for allocating the cash from its piggy bank as a threat to the Mickey-Sally Flim-Flam Inc museum-library-carpark. He may even really believe that he can convince the government to disband the MRI and give him the keys to the piggy bank!

So where’s the harm in that, Watchers? Consider the damage that’s been done to Wanganui’s reputation as a result of this bout of mayoral madness. And it’s not just about Michael Laws, who’s headed for a dose of his own medicine at the ballot box in just over seven months (further headline-chasing cheap publicity stunts notwithstanding) because the stink of institutional rot at 101 Guyton Street will linger long after he’s danced off the scene.

CEO Dr David Warburton has shown an astonishing degree of complicity in allowing the council website to be used to put the ratepayers in jeopardy of civil action and Michael Laws even seemed to be pointing the finger at his CEO in the matter of the leaked MRI minutes.

Forelock-tugging Vision lackeys like Murray Hughes may not have the good sense to flee the wreckage of their inglorious time in power and leave Wanganui to get on with the job of rehabilitating its reputation, but others can see this for what it is - just another step in Wanganui’s journey under Michael Laws to pariah-dom … a rogue district that cannot be trusted or liked by its fellow councils or governments or government funding institutions and is the object of ridicule and contempt wherever thinking people gather.

Admin note - 28 February, 1.15pm: Formatting edits were made to this post to correct HTML errors caused by the transfer of text from Word to Blogger. The opportunity was taken to make small changes to the text which do not alter the sense of the post. A new illustration was also added.

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Prophet at the margins

Update 2.30pm Friday 23 February: Seems we were wrong... it's not merely the WDC's contribution Mickey wants to get his hands on (which he's placing at $48,000 not $35,000) but "one-third of the $2 million ($666,000)" spent on the MRI so that he can use it on Wanganui's "own tourism branding and promotion".

We can well imagine such a campaign: $660,000 spent covering cost over-runs on Mayoral "tourist attractions" such as the Splash Centre and $6,000 on a road sign pointing the way there.

No thanks, Mickey. Let's leave it to the professionals, shall we? Bail out your own failures and then explain the debt burden you leave behind as your legacy.

Which isn't to say that some of the criticisms of the MRI campaign aren't valid - though market research suggests the public likes the brand. And it's the wider public - not Mickey, not the MRI Board, not LawsWatch, not even local iwi - who will decide whether it works and whether they want to visit the region.

And while Michael Laws has never been known for his sense of subtle irony, accusing all and sundry of unprofessional behaviour whilst publishing the link to a website he's obviously been given in confidence proves he doesn't have much of a sense of hit-over-the-head-with-a-brick irony either. As a result the website has had to be taken down.

But, courtesy of Velocity, Watchers can still get a look at and example of the tourism branding. We couldn't do the photograph justice by reproducing it here, so just click on the thumbnail at left and you'll be transported to the full view. This isn't the entire campaign, remember, just a sample of it.

On a slightly different note, and with a hat tip to Kiwiblog, we can't resist reproducing this illustration to aid those Watchers, from both sides of the fence, who come here to engage and debate and wonder why others in turn can't bring rationality to their arguments: