Conspiracy theory
Once upon a time in an editor's office not too far away, the phone rang.
Powerful Voice From On High: What the hell are you doing, Maslin?!
Quavering Editor (quickly putting away his Bumper Book of Sudoku and pretending to edit the newspaper): Who Sir? Me Sir? Errr... I was just... you know... doing editing... stuff.
PVFOH: That'd be a first. No, I'm talking about Mickey's latest column!
QE: Ohhh... ummm... that. But he just does the usual thing; Bangs on about all his critics being whingers whiners wallies and so forth, and rips into former councillors and staff members. Apart from that cunning intro announcing his new-found common cause with old Chas won't fool anyone, it's no different to the all the other columns he's ever written, Sir.
PVFOH: Well can it. Immediately.
QE: But Sir, I thought our plan was to get Mickey re-elected? Remember, it was on your meeting agenda right between discussing how to raise the price of petrol even further and how to get your hands on TVNZ now Ralston has completely knackered it as planned.
PVFOH: That's just the point, Maslin! By giving Mickey an outlet for his inane ramblings and abusive vitriol, you're helping demonstrate just how much of a one-note fruit loop he is! How many times must we explain it?! The plan is to get your minions to write flattering stories about him, quoting selectively from press releases only those sentences which make a modicum of sense and which don't totally contradict something he said the day before. It's one thing if he puts it on that damned website nobody visits, but when it gets in the Chron it frightens the natives, understand?
QE: Yes Sir, sorry Sir.
PVFOH: Look, we've got our work cut out making sure Winston stays out of the country opening craft shows in Bora Bora and whatnot without having to worry whether Mickey's stuff is getting out there before someone else reads and edits it. At this rate the town will be sobbing into their hankies in sympathy with that ex-council staffer he's been busy slagging off. I mean for heaven's sake, when the woman signed on with Mickey what did she think she was in for?! A supportive working environment, being treated with respect and being spoken to, and about, in a reasonable manner?! This is Mickey, for chrissakes!
QE: Errrr... righto Sir I'll get straight onto it.
PVFOH: No more bloody columns, right? And have a word to that Bryan woman, will you? Has she forgotten the agenda?
QE: You mean the Hidden Agenda, Sir? The one where you get complete idiots put in charge of important assets and let them run them into the ground, then step in and take them over for next-to-nothing? Thank goodness that doesn't apply to the Chronicle!
PVFOH (sighs): Yes, Maslin, that one. The one we've been through several times already. Are you sure you wouldn't prefer a job editing the Coromandel Semi-Weekly Depending On If We Can Be Bothered? It's a great little paper, and the weather's much better...
QE: Oh no Sir, I have an important job to do here.
PVFOH (sighing even more deeply): Thank goodness we still have the River City Press. Now there's a newspaper which knows how to stick to the agenda.
*click*
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26 comments:
What an improvement today on the editorial page of the Chron, with our mad mayor’s ravings replaced by the considered, insightful analysis by Tariana Turia of the roots of Maori offending. Perhaps there is hope yet for our daily paper.
LawsWatchers, you do Bart a disservice. He's far to mature and sensible to do the kinds of dumb stuff Mickey Mayor specialises in. Even Bart would have had the self-control to not stuff up the Chron column and land his old mate Mas right in it.
Our mayor is more like Groundskeeper Willie who famously said:
"If elected Mayor, my first act would be to kill the whole lot of ya, and burn yer town to cinders."
Anon said … the Mayor's PA does have one of the mugs, I have seen it at work.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Looking back at the previous post, it seems LawsWatch has a mole right in the heart of Mickey’s Bunker. This is fantastic.!! GREAT to have you on our team, Mr/Ms Mole. But why waste your time on such small-time trivia as the PA’s coffee cup?
How about making a quick trawl through the mayoral emails to the CEO on subjects like the Hovey “redundancy” or the diVision caucus minutes, or voting instructions to diVisionites, and sharing them here at LawsWatch? You’re among friends, you know.
Speaking of The Simpsons, who said the following? Mayor Quimby or Mayor Laws?
Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?
Oh, dear God. Can't this town go one day without a riot?
I stand by my racial slur.
Very well then, instead of fleeing this town, I'll stay here and grow fat off kickbacks and slush funds.
Re the Mug Deepthroat, can I make a suggestion that he ferrets around for recent emails from the mayor to the editor? Now that might be enlightening.
Column dropped and damning letters to the editor from non "single issue nutters".
Are the Vision wheels falling off?
Nice to see some good letters today, people. Sorry Mas/Mickey but if canning the column seems to be too little too late. Mickey has shot himself in both feet and he can say bye-bye to a bunch more votes as a result.
The Mystery of the Mug has been solved. And we stand corrected - sort of. The owner of said mug is a receptionist at the Council rather than the Mayor's PA. And as she only bought the one (we have sales records) the Mayor's claim to be planning to buy one, plus a selection of jogging tees etc., remains just another unmet promise.
Hmm, after speaking to a contact in a neighbouring council recently, I can tell Mental Mickey that his little trick of flinging up a sscreen of dust to cover his own inadequacies hasn't gone unnoticed. Megalomania, downright stupid, rude, arrogant, reevolting and "a hideous egotist) (my favourite) have been bandied about at several meetings involving local authorities he was supposed to have attended and didn't. And one senior manager was disappointed at his latest absence because "I wanted to see what the prick was like under questioning from people who have been around local government for a while".
I suppose your shrill bleatings help drown out the soudn of those crumbling foundations, don't they Mental Mickey?
PS for the pro-MM's among you, those quotes were taken down during phone conversations today. They are very, very genuine...
This is digging deep. You sure have something on Mickey now, LW. Can we have names and dates of the mystery-mug-buyer. Who is the receptionist. For that matter, who is the PA. You absolutely have the dirt on Mickey now. For sure.
What's with the Chron. Front page news someone wrote a thesis and is having a cup of tea. Page 3 maternity unit in crisis, it's serious. Page 4 council bosses take issue with story.
Yeah right, that's in the right order. Not.
Laws Watch said...
the Mayor's claim to be planning to buy one, plus a selection of jogging tees etc., remains just another unmet promise.
********
Well, that's just another example of Mickey's selective truth-telling and ass-covering, isn't it?
Even the Chron doesn't seem to be so willing to fall that anymore. Must be time for him to find himself another town. Wonder how long it would take the Manukau Courier to get his number.
Wrong again LW - the mayor's PA does have a mug & uses it everyday and everyone who passes by sees it.
Bearhunter wrote:
"PS for the pro-MM's among you, those quotes were taken down during phone conversations today. They are very, very genuine...
3:05 PM, July 04, 2006"
Sure they are. Why not stick to writing children's stories where your fiction might be believed. Laws would eat up any local body leader esp those Horizons wankers.
anonyMickey said ...Page 4 council bosses take issue with story.
Yeah right, that's in the right order. Not.
3:47 PM, July 04, 2006
++++++
Right order? That pathetic piece of shite that Mickey put his boy Harkness's name on wasn't even worthy of space on the racing page. But at least Mas n Mary made sure it got buried. ps Why don't you bugger off and make your PA/sycophant a nice cuppa, Micke? With lots of artificial sweetener. You gotta keep that woman sweet, man, cos when she melts down it's gonna make Helen's chernobyl look like a camp fire.
Watching Mickey on the quiz show last night he appeared to be badly off his game and looked like he’d forgotten to take his medication again. The show must have been filmed the day he got word that the Chron had given him the boot. No wonder he was stressed out. Not a good day to be wearing the diVision shirt really, Mickey. You’re branding yourself and your party as big-time losers.
Anonymous said...
What's with the Chron. .... Page 4 council bosses take issue with story.
Yeah right, that's in the right order. Not.
++++++++
How pathetic is this? We now have the mayor-in-drag coming into this blog and complaining because the Chronicle's editorial priorities have relegated his idiocy to page four.
Perhaps the editor just isn't listening to him anymore, but surely he realises what a laughing stock he is here when he tries to spread his whining and whinging on this blog.
Wrong again LW - the mayor's PA does have a mug & uses it everyday and everyone who passes by sees it.
-----------
Says who? I've never seen it.
Given the PAs stance of 'NONE SHALL PASS' without a double confirmed appointment, a note from ones Mother and the luck of the Gods that he's on duty... who passes?
Is it really important though? lets stick to important issues.
Good blog, it's funny if it wasn't all happening in my home town.
What's with the Chron. Front page news someone wrote a thesis and is having a cup of tea. Page 3 maternity unit in crisis, it's serious. Page 4 council bosses take issue with story.
Yeah right, that's in the right order. Not.
___________________________________
I imagine they wanted to print something of substance, something that had some value, as opposed to a lot of hysterical lies from Mickey Mayor.
Poor Mickey, so desperate for a big headline he's riding on the coattails of the maternity situation. He thinks he has a god-given right to at least one big story a day and will do or say anything to get it, especially ones that ingratiate him with an identifiable group of voters. Won't cut much mustard with the midwives who he got royally offside when he shot off his mouth a couple of years ago though.
"Laws would eat up any local body leader esp those Horizons wankers."
___________________________________
Possibly, but only an incompetent fuckwit would see that as his role. Are you him, or are there two incompetent fuckwits?
The only hysteria is from the people and write this blog. Your mayor is right - you're all nutters. I heard him do a great pisstake of Carol webb and Matt Dutton over the weekend at the conference I attended. #### it was funny.
Is this the same Chronicle that gave him the lead story on p3 today? Watched OOTQ - Laws wins way more than he loses and comes across the a very able chap. His rugby show every Wednesday on SKY is better though.
Anonymous wrote:
Sure they are. Why not stick to writing children's stories where your fiction might be believed. Laws would eat up any local body leader esp those Horizons wankers.
10:13 PM, July 04, 2006
I wasn't talking about Horizons, twat. I was talking about district/city councils, an area I work in and have knowledge of. If you think Laws would "eat up" some of them, then you are as sadly misguided as your glorious Fuhrer. Laws has a facility with words, the ability to think on his feet and a massive ego, all of which one would expect from someone who trained in law. He doesn't have a great deal else.
anonymickey said
Laws wins way more than he loses and comes across the a very able chap.
******
Tee hee hee ... this is so Monty Python, Michael. But it's good to know that this afternoon's prolific poster shadows Mickey everywhere.
Didn't see either of them at the UCOL graduation today though, just another apology from the mayor and the usual one also from the CEO (and his shadow too).
Poor Mickey
Just him and his shadow,
All alone and feelin' blue . . .
(and of course his dear friends who indulge his pathetic presence on this blog)
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