So is "fat brown poof" okay then?

1. The Broadcasting Standards Authority cost NZ taxpayers $1,254,208 in 2005/06.


2. It considers that Mickey calling someone a "fat brown slug" or, for that matter, an RNZ commenter referring to "a poof" on radio is okay because "a high level of invective is necessary for the authority to conclude that a broadcast encourages denigration" and that when it comes to talkback "commentary on current issues and topics is consistently challenging and provocative in this environment".


3. In the latest batch of decisions, in fact, only one complaint in 11 was upheld.


4. Of 153 complaints received in 2005/06 the BSA upheld (all or in part) 19, or 12.4% and refused to uphold 83% (1.44 Mb pdf file).


5. Even if it finds the grossest possible breach of good taste and decency has occurred, the maximum penalty it can impose is a fine of $5,000. Canwest made $24.3 million in the first quarter of this financial year.


6. Thus the BSA is costing us $8,197 per complaint received and a staggering $66,011 per complaint upheld.


7. BSA chief executive Jane Wrightson claims the low upholding rate is because "broadcasters were very clear on the rules and in most cases followed them".

So if it's open slather for Mickey and the other ratings-challenged radio hosts to abuse all and sundry in their quest for "popularity", and the largest penalty their bosses can receive amounts to 0.2% of a quarter of one year's profits, our "challenging and provocative" response to the BSA is:


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A spray from the vomit geyser

anon misguidely comments: 122,000 listeners. That is pretty bloody good - no wonder the mayor gets the big bucks.

This refrain of Mickey's supposed radio potency is becoming as tired as... well, as tired as his predictable right wing rants to a dwindling audience. So let's take a closer look at this assertion, shall we?

Radio ratings are calculated by monitoring the audience for those stations who pay to have their names included. That means smaller niche stations such as Auckland's bFM get lumped under "other". And most importantly for our purposes it means listeners to National Radio are simply taken out of the equation altogether. However, according to NBR in 2005, National Radio had 517,400 listeners aged 15 years and over.

So, bear in mind that the share of the pie accredited to any station is the share of those who listen to commercial radio. In some markets, particularly Wellington, it's likely that National Radio's audience exceeds that of the top commercial talk station, as was explained by Russell Brown on Mediawatch. In the days when National Radio used to be included, it would often be number one in the Wellington market and one of the top-rating stations in most of the large city markets.

The ratings are also a little unfair to talk radio, in that it's unlikely a dedicated listener to say, Mai FM will be induced to switch to John Banks or Michael Laws or Leighton Smith.

So what we've done below is calculate a percentage based on the total audience for commercial talk radio (Newstalk ZB, Radio Live, Radio Pacific, Radio Sport) only in an attempt to fairly measure of how well the competing talk stations are doing amongst those pre-disposed to listen, and against one another rather than against the entire spectrum.

The numbers in brackets are the stations' position in the market (excluding of course National Radio), out of all stations surveyed.

AUCKLAND
Newstalk 195,600 (1st)
Radio Sport 56,700 (14th)
Radio Live 46,900 (16th)
Radio Pacific 30,700 (20th & last)
Total 329,900 of which Mickey's mob have 14% and Newstalk have 59%.

DUNEDIN
Newstalk 13,900 (6th)
Radio Sport 8,300 (8th)
Radio Live 5,500 (11th)
Radio Pacific 3,200 (14th & last)
Total 30,900 - Mickey 17%, Newstalk 45%.

WAIKATO
Newstalk 24,900 (6th)
Radio Sport 13,000 (10th)
Radio Pacific 6,000 (11th)
Radio Live 4,900 (12th & last)
Total 48,800 - Mickey 10%, Newstalk 51%

CHRISTCHURCH
Newstalk ZB 52,700 (5th)
Radio Sport 30,200 (9th)
Radio Live 22,600 (11th)
Radio Pacific 10,000 (14th)
Total 115,500 - Mickey 20%, Newstalk 46%

WELLINGTON
Newstalk 36,900 (3rd)
Radio Sport 18,400 (9th)
Pacific 7,600 (12th)
Radio Live 6,300 (14th & last)
Total 69,200 - Mickey 9%, Newstalk 53%

NORTHLAND
Newstalk 13,300 (4th)
Radio Sport 4,200 (9th)
Radio Live 4,100 (10th)
Radio Pacific 4,100 (11th & last)
Total 25,700 - Mickey 16%, Newstalk 52%

ROTORUA
Newstalk 4,200 (8th)
Radio Live 2,500 (10th)
Radio Pacific 2,400 (11th)
Radio Sport 2,100 (13th & last)
Total 11,200 - Mickey 22%, Newstalk 37%

HAWKES BAY
Newstalk 13,200 (5th)
Radio Sport 7,300 (11th)
Radio Live 5,300 (13th)
Pacific 4,000 (14th & last)
Total 29,800 - Mickey 18%, Newstalk 44%

TAURANGA
Newstalk ZB 17,500 (5th)
Radio Sport 8,200 (10th)
Radio Live 7,200 (11th)
Pacific 4,100 (13th & last)
Total 37,000 - Mickey 20%, Newstalk 47%

TARANAKI
Newstalk 11,600 (5th)
Radio Sport 4,600 (10th)
Pacific 3,600 (11th)
Radio Live 3,200 (12th & last)
Total 23,000 - Mickey 14%, Newstalk 50%

MANAWATU
Newstalk 9,900 (7th)
Radio Sport 7,000 (9th)
Radio Live 6,500 (11th)
Radio Pacific 4,300 (12th & last)
Total 27,700 - Mickey 23%, Newstalk 36%

NELSON
Newstalk 6,300 (6th)
Radio Sport 3,900 (7th)
Radio Live 2,400 (9th)
Radio Pacific 2,000 (10th)
Total 14,600 - Mickey 16%, Newstalk 43%

SOUTHLAND
Newstalk 7,000 (9th)
Radio Live 4,400 (11th)
Radio Pacific 3,500 (12th)
Radio Sport 3,200 (13th & last)
Total 18,100 - Mickey 24%, Newstalk 39%

NETWORK MORNING SHOWS (NATIONAL)
Newstalk ZB 285 200
Radio Sport 67 700
Radio Live 59 900
Radio Pacific 34 400
Total 447,200 - Mickey 8%, Newstalk 64%

Source: The October Research International Radios 2006 survey, the latest data available.

We're not quite where the various anons get their 122,000 figure from - we presume by adding together the above area figures for Radio Live to reach 121,400, then rounding up n(rather generously).

Well here's some other figures for you:

• Radio Live is either at the bottom of the market (of all station, not just talk) or saved from being bottom by the equally poor performance of its sister station Pacific, in six out of 13 markets.


• Radio Live's best position is 9th (Nelson). It sits at 10th in two other markets (Northland and Rotorua) and beneath that position in every other market.


• The picture in the big cities is even worse: 16th in Auckland compared to Newstalk's 1st; 14th and last in Wellington whilst Newstalk is 3rd; 14th in Christchurch compared to Newstalk's 5th; 11th in Dunedin compared to Newstalk's 6th place.


• Other Radioworks stations set up specifically to target TRN stations - The Breeze into Auckland to take on Coast and The Rock competitor to Hauraki - have performed much better, with the latter actually overtaking its rival.


• Only in Rotorua, Manawatu and Southland does Radio Live come close to having an audience half the size of Newstalk ZB.

Given that Radio Live's stated aim was to compete with Newstalk ZB, it's not performing at all well. And it's not just the quantitative reviews, either. You'd be hard-pressed to find a kind word for Mickey's performance or that of his Canadian employers. A random selection from a quick search:

"Michael Laws' talkback is so desperate to be provocative that is weirdly compelling." - Graham Read on Public Address.

"I find Mr Laws to be the worst of a rotten lot... I actually thought that talkback presenters were there to facilitate discussion. But nowdays, instead of Radio Live talkback, with Michael Laws, (which is what it once was), we have The Michael Laws Show, on Radio Live. IMO that is where it is going wrong." - mauggie, commenting at zillion.co.nz.

"I miss good intelligent debate... I miss people taking me on on some issue of the day... it's a sad day when I rely on Michael Laws and Steven Joyce on Radio Live for my intelligent conversation" - Megan, writing on Tim and Megan.

"I found Radio Live on the AM, but Michael Laws was saying nothing to me about my life." - Russell Brown on Hard News.

"...listening to Laws’ programme is like watching from space as the issues of the day circle majestically in orbit around the huge, gaseous planet of Laws’ ego" - Ryan Brown-Haysom on Critic.

"...some radio broadcasters (in particular Michael Laws) weren't satisfied with these solutions and instead put forward their own - solutions based on blatent falsities." - Mirage Media.

"...Yep, as always Mr Laws is spot on. :roll: We're so lucky to have such top quality media people in this place. :laugh:" - George M, commenting on the EmigrateNZ forum.

"The Mayor of Wanganui, Michael Laws, says it's because the late Tongan king was a despot and "a big brown slug" who ruled a corrupt country. Nice." - Jacqueline Maley and Alexa Moses in The Sydney Morning Herald.

"I didn't ring up and challenge Laws-unto-himself with the fact that he is a fear mongering f***wit who trades in race baiting because the power had come back on and thankfully I could do more important things like cleaning the dishes..." Martyn Bradbury on Tumeke.

"I really hope that this is just over the top redneck thought babble aimed at saving Radio Live from another abysmal ratings book – but the glee he seems to take in justifying the sterilization of ‘undesirables’ makes for truly offensive reading." - Bradbury again.

"Michael Laws was quite abusive to people who didn't agree with him." - Judy Standeven commenting at The Briefing Room.

"Michael Laws... can anyone say 'tired' and 'witless'" - Peter Cresswell on Not PC.

"I swear the Laws guy needs to just shut the **** up. I hated him the first time I ever saw him when he was on a Radio Live television ad. He's standing there with a black background and he's spouting opinion after opinion like a vomit geyser." - Jonas on the NZ Games forum.

"Devlin and Laws are well past their audio use by dates." - mediahax commenting at Tumeke.

"As Radio Live, the talkback stablemate of Radio Pacific, pulls out all the stops to drag up a viable audience for prospective advertisers, it seems to be pinning its hopes of success on stirring up redneck New Zealand." - feature article on GayNZ.com.

"There are countless media dickheads who make futile attempts at becoming prophets. Today it's the Wanganui Wanker a.k.a Michael Laws." - Don Murray, a racing astrologer (no, really) on Thoroughbred Net.

Bad reviews on everything from "Not PC" to "Gay NZ"? Does anyone like poor Mickey? And before some anon replies that 122,000 people do, let's not forget that that's the cumulative audience for the entire station (as are the other figures quoted above). What portion of the 121,400 (to be precise) Mickey gets, RadioWorks aren't saying.

RadioWorks' 70% owner, Canadian company CanWest, has hired investment bank Citigroup to consider the future of its Australasian assets and is seen as a likely seller this year. While Brent Impey valiantly struggles to portray his recklessly hurling buckets of money at a pet project that's going nowhere as being "in it for the long haul" we can't see the new owners being quite so bullish about propping up this deceased donkey.

We wonder whether CanWest have bothered asking Impey why, when New Zealand already had two conservative-oriented talk networks in the form of Newstalk ZB and Pacific slugging it out for a small audience, he didn't have the foresight to introduce something different, and instead populated Radio Live with more tired, predictable fogeys like Laws and Paul Henry, thus ensuring its demise. We might just be tempted to buy some shares so we have the right to inquire.

Fortunately for Mickey, he got Impey to sign his "big bucks" contract before the sale, so whoever takes out Canwest's trash will no doubt have to buy him out to be rid of him.

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Popularity hilarity

There's been a fair bit of debate on the topic of just how far Mayor Mickey has managed to erode the popularity that saw him and the diVisionites elected with a healthy margin at the last election.

Now, we realise that any poll here will be held to be unscientific (particularly by those whose views don't seem to accord with the majority of responses) but we figure it may be interesting nonetheless to run one a poll on the topic.

As always, please read the question carefully. It doesn't ask "how much more do you personally like or hate Mickey?". It doesn't ask "how much more liked / hated do you wish he was?". We're asking whether, as you've talked with friends, neighbours, people waiting in line for coffee, folks at the footy, you get the impression Wanganui's welcome mat is well and truly worn out, or whether, given the abject failure of Radio Dive (now sitting at just two percent) to prop up his media "career", he'd get over the line for a second term?

Has Michael Laws' popularity increased or decreased since he was elected?

Increased by 50% or more
Increased by 25% - %50%
Increased by 20% - 25%
Increased by 15% - 20%
Increased by 10% - 15%
Increased by 5% - 10%
Increased by up to 5%
Remained static
Decreased by up to 5%
Decreased by 5% - 10%
Decreased by 10% - 15%
Decreased by 15% - 20%
Decreased by 20% - 25%
Decreased by 25% - %50%
Decreased by 50% or more

Free polls from Pollhost.com

Comments on this post are now closed. The poll will remain open till further notice.

King of the (Ozark) Mountain

Noam Chomsky has defined a rogue state as "a state that defies international laws and conventions, does not consider itself bound by the major treaties and conventions… in fact anything except the interests of its own leadership, the forces around the leadership that dominate policy".

Remind you of anyone? Yesterday Michael Laws used the death of Tonga’s King Taufa'ahau Tupou IV to further push Wanganui into rogue statedom. Sadly, the King had the bad timing to expire at the start of a six-monthly radio ratings survey period and that was the signal for Wanganui’s mayor to spew forth a masterful piece of hate-filled media grandstanding rivalled only by his hysteria about patched gang members that won him prime time attention during the last ratings period in February.

In New Zealand flags on government buildings were lowered to half mast, except in Wanganui where mayor Michael Laws refused and called the king a "brown slug" who had ruled a corrupt country. - Dominion Post

Mr Laws used his Radio Live show to say the Wanganui flag would not be lowered for "a big brown slug". “We honour people who have contributed to the community or the nation," he told the Herald. "Not someone who has been a despotic beneficiary of the New Zealand tax-payer." - New Zealand Herald

Meanwhile, back at LawsWatch, an anonymous commenter with an uncanny knack of sounding exactly Michael Laws has advised Watchers thusly:

The Tongan royal family have been ripping off the Tongan people for generations and its your MAYOR that's the problem? Time to get some perspective, people - which your mayor seems to have.

Which prompts the question … Just what perspective does "our mayor" seem to have? The perspective of a minor media "celebrity" with a cowed and stupid council majority, more than a few screws loose, and a big ratings problem, perchance?

Six months down the track from Radio Live’s last survey bomb, Auckland’s media moguls are all aquiver at the start of a new ratings period, running till October 13th. Heaven knows what it has cost Wanganui’s ratepayers, but Mickey’s famous gang patch bylaw stunt did nothing to stop the bad news for his little earner Radio Dive, with the February survey showing it haemorrhaged 12,000 listeners and won the New Zealand Herald title of "big loser". We’re predicting there’ll be more bad news when the latest results are released on October 27th.

So, Watchers, welcome back to Wanganui showtime where a mayor who is campaigning to attract intelligent, qualified medical people to the city goes out of his way to portray Wanganui as a red-neck paradise awash with ignorance and racism and rivalled only by a few charming little hamlets deep in the backwoods of the Ozark Mountains.

It’s all been a bit much for former military man and flag-lowering devotee Cr Don McGregor who once did a tour of duty in Tonga, but we shouldn’t expect Mickey’s loyal sychophants to be much bothered by what might look to sane reasonable people to be an outburst sure to bring the city and its council into disrepute. As perspicacious Watcher and regular commenter Bearhunter has quite rightly pointed out, such mayoral obscenities are protected by precedent, aka the Code of Conduct ruling last year by said mayoral sycophants:

"Mickey said these things while NOT being mayor of Wangers, which should be clear to all those mental giants who listen to talkback," says Bearhunter. "I know he did this because Dotty (speaking of mental giants) told me so, as she told everyone after the Code of Conduct fiasco. SO that's all right then, there is no way ANYONE could think that the Mayor of Wanganui was actually speaking as the Mayor of Wanganui..."

Of course, the irony of this can’t be lost on Cr Don McGregor whose hand shot up with military precision, along with those of Rangi Wills and the diVisioners in support of this bizarre theory advanced by Michael Laws in his defence.

So not only does Wanganui’s Mickey Mouse Mayor have the endorsement of a majority of councillors to launch attacks like these, he’s also able to (and does) cite their approval for the flag-lowering policy he introduced in the wake of the song and dance last year following the demise of King Faud of Saudi Arabia, who apparently topped the list of Middle Eastern despots identified by the Michael Laws Institute for Democracy, Transparency and Openness.

He wasted no time using the WDC website to bash the council with its own flag-raising policy, probably in anticipation of being strung up by McGregor et al at tomorrow’s Strategy meeting (where chairpillock Dot McKinnon will doubtless again fall off her chair in a fit of giggling as she did during the last mayoral rant about flags and despots - when "Mayor Michael" talked about the person Dotty described as "Professor Phard" in her breathless report in the River City Press). We hope she’s got her laughing gear in order for tomorrow because it’ll be her job at tomorrow’s meeting to shut down any debate about the latest outbreak of mayoral dysentery.

Here he is on the WDC website today trying to explain that his "personal views" really have nothing to do with where the flag flies on the council’s mast because it all comes down to "policy":

"I have strong personal views, having recently visited Tonga, as to the non-democratic and corrupt political structure of that country. However, whatever those views, the King's death did not meet council policy.

"Personally, I think we demean the whole process if we simply lower the flag every time a leader of a non-democratic nation dies. Tonga is the Zimbabwe of the South Pacific and we can only hope that the new monarch will allow his people the economic and democratic ability to escape their relative poverty."

Mr Laws said that he had been inundated with calls from throughout the country supporting his stance but reiterated that he was simply employing existing council policy."

A neat little rationale that overlooks just one awkward fact - a Mayor acting on policy would not then jump on talkback radio and claim he acted on prejudice. Unless, of course, he took his citizens, and his listeners, for utter fools.

And even the "policy" argument overlooks one thing. The King is dead, as was "Professor Phard". While supposedly in honour of the deceased, the flag-lowering is also a mark of respect for the nation that has lost a leader. One that might not be to Mickey's liking, but their leader nonetheless. But we're sure the thousands of Tongans in New Zealand understand it's just politics. Oh, and ratings.

Meanwhile, a Watcher has reported that a Wellington-based acquaintance responsible for a significant government programme available to local authorities let slip recently that the organisation’s limited resources and limited time wasn’t likely to be wasted on any council run by "an idiot like Michael Laws". Rogue state, indeed!

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Squawk boxing

An interesting point - though not one made directly in the Radio NZ report on Councils' spending - is that they've published a figure of 4.1%, apparently quoting none other than Mayor Michael Laws as touting this as the lowest in the country, without even questioning the fact that the propaganda meant for Wanganui's citizens has been steadfastly quoting three percent. Is Mr Maslin moonlighting at RNZ, we wonder?

The Diva is also quoted as saying the WDC has "moved to justify every element of its spending". Someone should tell him that squawking "it won the referendum!" doesn't justify anything on any basis other than populism - certainly not an economic basis, or planning or even a social one.

He also boasts of sacking six senior managers but makes no mention of his intention to restock the Council's legal and engineering departments, no doubt with people hand-picked to give him the answers he wants on the afforability and legality of the contents of his pork barrel. Meanwhile the low-level haemmorhage of staff is continuing, with two walkers from the engineering-planning area in recent weeks.

Talking of squawking, Mickey's rant on 13 June has had the chattering classes occupied for most of last week. Apparently, democracy is well and truly dead in Wanganui. According to the Mayor, who was reportedly standing on it's throat while dictating that day's press release, committees exist only to rubber stamp his proposals. If they don't, they'll be ignored. Specially if, like the Heritage Committe, they actually have real people on them, as opposed to tame councillors.

Heritage, as we're sure you're all aware, chucked out his idea for a Wanganui Anniversary Day. That drew an immediate outburst from Mickey (complete with headline exclamation mark!) reminding us that committees can only recommend. And when they recommend something that isn't a pet project of his, that doesn't count - they're just a bunch of incompetents, and anyway not everyone turned up for the meeting. And anything a committee does has to go to full Council (where of course he can tug the strings and set heads a-nodding like those dog toys people used to put in the rear windows of their cars before we had actual suspension).

This fine piece of penmanship appeared on the Council website, but then someone decided it might be wise to balance it with a somewhat more moderate rant in the name of Mickey's boy Marty. Clearly someone in the hierachy has decided it's better to put the bucket beneath the elephant as soon as it starts bellowing rather than follow it round afterwards with a broom. That must be one of those "efficiencies" we keep hearing so much about.

Having gone to so much trouble to educate the burghers of Wanganui that Council committees weren't actually there to be listened to - or accorded any respect by the Mayor - the Diva managed a pirouette of incredible skill the next day.

How anyone who can instantaneously reverse their position 180 degrees with such consummate skill could have failed to make the cut for "Dancing with the Stars" eludes us, truly it does.

The Administration and Finance Committee had, you see, approved his plans for the waterfront, choosing Option One (Mickey's favourite, and the most expensive of course), over the alternative. So not a word in his subsequent release about it having to go to full Council for approval, let alone about how weak and ineffective committees were. No, this decision was praiseworthy because it had come from senior councillors, he managed to tell us whilst keeping a straight face.

Turns out all the moving and seconding on the waterfront was by Vision (Dottie and Muzza) or Vision-in-drag's Rangi Wills. Since when did these fresh-from-the-bottle fizzers become senior councillors?

A few days later, the smoke started pouring from the windows of Guyton Street as the Spin Machine's gears attempted another 180 degree reversal. Seems another one of those pesky committees that isn't stacked with "senior" councillors gave the Diva the single digit salute. This time it's Haker-Bogan's lot telling Wanganui Inc to bugger off:

The Masters Games Organisation yesterday won the battle to have control of the Wanganui District Council's $40,000 two-yearly contribution towards the cost of the 2007 Masters Games. The council's sport and recreation committee voted strongly in favour of the Masters Games taking the money after receiving written and spoken submissions from Masters Games and Wanganui Inc, who were both vying for it...

A Games takes between $800,000 and $900,000 to run, and the District Council’s offering is $40,000. Committee members heard that the Dunedin City Council, in Wanganui’s "off-year", contributes around 90 percent of the cost of its turn at the Masters Games...

The subject of whether indebted sports – in financial trouble in other words – should be a subject of this committee was discussed briefly. It was suggested the sport and rec committee should stay with the positiveness of helping sports develop.

Positiveness?? Why use four syllables when there's the perfect four-letter single-syllable word for this: It's called spin, Phillipa.

The Masters Games folk were recently on the receiving end of a Mayoral spray for taking a "junket" to Australia - we imagine they're sheltering beneath their umbrellas for a deluge worse than the recent weather for snatching money from the hands of Mickey and the New Boys on the Wanganui Inc board.

With wastewater now estimated at $118.5 million, and the referendum pork-barreling needing to be funded, plus these miscellaneous expectations coming home to roost, are they going to be funded by more and more asset sales? At this rate Wanganui Gas will be on the block before we know it.

All these recommendations will hit the next full Council meeting on 3 July. We won't be taking bets on which pass and which are overturned. We're sure that councillors will follow the tradition of robust scrutiny and open debate exemplified by the patsy questioners showcased in the Mayor's Chron columns - this week none other than diVision stalwarts and members of the inner circle Gordon Keelty and Julie Morris (wife of Nigelwho).

Has anyone submitted a question to Mayor Michael Laws and so far not received an answer? Or had it rejected? If so, we'd be interested to hear. And if you're submitting one, c.c. LawsWatch - we'll publish it here so everyone knows whether it gets a reply and, if so, what that reply says.

Then again, we could be misjudging Mickey. Perhaps he needs the patsy questioners because, like his radio show, no one else is listening, or gives a damn.

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