Fool me twice, shame on me

Just whose hand is up whose bum?

It's alright Watchers, you haven't stumbled upon the online edition of some odd fetish magazine, we're talking in terms of muppets.

We've already told the tale of Neil Kirton, former Associate Health Minister in the NZ First / National coalition government, whose career was eventually derailed by Machiavellian Mickey's meanderings.

Now it seems he, like his mentor, has slunk off into the far reaches of local government. Perhaps Mickey and Neil are the type of people who are convinced that someone, somewhere, desperately needs pint sized despots to tell them what to do.

Anyway, Kirton has all but disappeared from view, being either unable or unwilling to sink to Mickey's depths and cling to the sort of sad "celebrity" which comes from having people chuckle over their newspapers at your misogynist xenophobic clubland rantings.

Supposedly, when Kirton crashed and burned from the heights of Cabinet to the depths of Hawkes Bay, the association between he and his former mentor cooled somewhat. But can it be coincidence that he and Mickey are having the same fevered dreams?

While Napier City Council has unanimously decided to drop plans to cut councillor numbers from 12 to 10 following their hearing of submissions which were universally opposed to the move and coming to the realisation that cutting numbers would not reduce costs, the Hawkes Bay Regional Council is squabbling amongst themselves. Well, squabbling with one fractious member who wants to chop numbers - none other than Neil Kirton.

Council chairwoman Eileen von Dadelszen is trying to point out that whether there is nine or six councillors will not make any difference because "cutting their number will only mean fewer councillors are paid more".

"The only savings which can be guaranteed by having fewer councillors are for such things as travel reimbursement, agenda production and mail outs, meeting costs and training, and conference expenses", she says, which amount to an estimated $20,000 a year. So Hawkes Bay doesn't even save the cost of a dunny.

But Kirton, who wants to cut Hawkes Bay's democracy by a third, swears that reduction will save ratepayers $120,000.

Mrs von Dadelszen said Mr Kirton's comments on salary payments to councillors "had clouded the debate over the representation review" which we think is a polite way of saying he's fibbing worse than... well, worse than Mickey.

"The opportunities exist to reform local government in Hawke's Bay and cutting politicians is just the start," he says, no doubt clicking his heels together as he surveys a map of Poland... sorry, Napier and Hastings. If he continues following Mickey's plan, next to go will be superfluous employees such as those who actually carry out manual labour, to be replaced by the really useful lieutenants like spin fairies and lawyers.

Where could he have got these ideas from, let alone the means of selling them to a population which simply hates politicians and thinks any scheme to cut them back must, by definition, be a good thing? We just hope he remembers what happened last time he adopted a strategy authored by Mickey. After all, he hasn't got much further to fall.

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