A cautionary tale

One evening, just as the sun was setting, Old Father Time called to Dotty and the other little Visionite children. "It's time for a story," he said.

"Oh, will it be one with a moral, like all the stories you tell us?" asked Dotty excitedly.

"Indeed it will," said Time. And here is what he said...

"Once upon a time there was a man called Neil Kirton. Widely thought to be quite clever, he had a first-class honours degree in science from Otago University and a successful career in the health sector. He was business and contracts manager with Health Care Waikato, had been general manager of Princess Alexandra Hospital in Napier and was divisional manager of the Rehabilitation League in Hawke's Bay. He was even a former advisory officer with the Ministry of Agriculture, and was previously director of the Eastern and Central Trustbank Community Trust.

"He wasn't particularly exciting - nondescript was what people called him, when they thought of him at all - but he was competent.

"Then one day he met a man called Mickey. So enamoured of Mickey did he become that he even led Mickey's 1993 campaign to be re-elected to the Palace of Fools - a special place where much gets said but little gets done.

"Like Guyton Street?" interrupted Dotty, sucking her thumb.

"Exactly like Guyton Street, only there was a greater ratio of IQ points amongst the inhabitants of the Palace of Fools," sighed Old Father Time, looking despairingly at Rangi, who was staring cross-eyeed at the end of his nose again.

"Anyway, when it came time for Mickey to plot his coup, he decided to reward Neil's loyalty. So, out of nowhere, Neil went from candidate, to MP, to minister outside Cabinet even though no one had ever heard of him or any of Mickey's other minions like Deborah Morris and Robyn McDonald."

"Who?" asked Dotty, looking confused (but then she usually does).

"Exactly," said Old Father Time, somewhat cryptically, and then continued. "Many thought young Neil had a shining future under Mickey's guidance."

"Just like us!!" squealed Dotty excitedly, before blushing and hurriedly excusing herself.

"Neil was the Associate Health Minister, and doing very well for himself. But Mickey had convinced him that he needed to be nearby to tell Neil what to do and say. Trouble was, Mickey's membership of the Palace of Fools had been revoked for telling fibs, so do you know what he did, children?"

"He offered them a dishwasher if they'd let him back in?" posited Muzza, the dim boy who was always exploring his nose.

"No, Mickey got Neil to take some of the money they'd collected from the peasants and pay him $1000 a day to whisper in Neil's ear," Time related.

"Ooooo," squealed Dotty, just back from whereever it was she'd had to rush, quickly crossing her legs, "wasn't Neil such a lucky boy! Having Mickey there all day every day, telling him what to do! We don't get that," she pouted. "So did Neil get more and more and more powerful? Is he King of the Palace of Fools now or something?"

"Alas no," replied Time. "Alas for him, anyway. For the rest of us it was a narrow escape. No, within a year Neil had gone from shooting star to black hole. He'd lost his Ministerial office, was a backbench MP, and at the next election he disappeared altogether. Some say he was expelled from the Palace of Fools forever, and forced to work for a living!"

At this, the assembled Visionite children gasped in unison - a sound much like several of Muzza's vaccuum cleaners bursting into life simultaneously.

"But... why?" asked Dotty, shocked. "With Mickey telling him exactly what to do and say, he would have been the biggest bestest most amazing success!"

"Well, it didn't take long till Neil was running his office in the Palace exactly the way Mickey had run his before he got told he had to leave. He started arguing with everybody, and then he was caught giving $250,000 of the peasant's money to an advertising agency run by his brother-in-law. The same agency that had provided free advice to Mickey's party during the election. And without going to tender."

"My goodness!" said Don, standing up and saluting for no particular reason. "That's awfully naughty, isn't it? If I'd been there, I might have even muttered something under my breath!"

"Gosh Donny, you're awfully brave!" said Dotty. "So what did Neil do? Did he admit he'd been a silly boy and try and make friends with everyone again?"

"You forget he was being advised by Mickey," cautioned Old Father Time.

"Ohhhh... so he just threw a tantrum and blamed eveybody else?" asked Dotty, catching on quick for once.

"Well his boss at the Palace, a much more experienced courtier called Winston, told Neil to be quiet and let him sort it out. But Mickey whispered that he should talk to everyone - specially the media, because Mickey loves the media. So Neil gave three interviews."

"But any publicity is good publicity, even if it shows you getting hives or not knowing the answers to some pretty basic questions, or that no one listens to your radio show" asserted Nicki, whose only achievement to date had been her extraordinary ability to repeat everything Mickey had told her, word for word.

"Not in this case," said Old Father Time. "Neil uttered some nonsense about his 'principles and those of the people who collectively elected me to Parliament [being] more important than pecuniary reward', and was sacked."

"That sounds like something Mickey said when he got caught hiring relatives to do his polling and telling fibs about it..." said Rangi, a brief frown crossing his brow and interfering with his ability to focus on the tip of his nose.

"Well ironically Neil said those words in the very same room that Mickey used to say goodbye to his friends in the media when he had to leave the Palace. Which was fitting really, since everyone had warned him that Mickey would be his downfall. And that, children, is the end of tonight's story," said Old Father Time, closing once more the (very thick) book of The Adventures of Naughty Mickey.

"But," said Dotty, looking puzzled as she settled down to sleep, "you usually end by saying 'and the moral of the story is...' You didn't say it this time. And I can't for the life of me see the moral for us in that story."

"I never thought you could," said Old Father Time, even more cryptically, as he blew out the candles.

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