Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Voice from the broadcast graveyard

LawsWatch has, we admit, not been altogether kind about the twilight of Paul Holmes television career and the company he keeps in Prime’s Wednesday Wasteland.

But tonight, watchers, we salute Mr Holmes and thank him for enlightening us about just how very badly our very own Diva of the Ditch is faring on the airwaves of the nation.

We know from last week’s radio audience survey that Laws’ broadcast home Radio Live, delightfully dubbed by Mr Holmes variously as Radio Dead … Radio Do Not Resuscitate … Radio Nil by Ear has fizzed like a damp squib since its trumpeted launch in April. The survey showed it running a distant seventh in the key Auckland market with just 2.1% of the 908,400 tuned in Jafas.

But that of course was just the average over a listening day. As Mr Holmes revealed, despite the desperate Diva’s efforts to shout him down, Michael Laws’ arrival for the nine to noon slot has even masochistic followers of the Martin Devlin breakfast show reaching for their dials and tuning out in their droves.

Compared to Devlin’s 2.8% share, the mad mayor’s rants left him with just 1.6%, said Mr Holmes who went on to really rub it in by revealing that he rules the morning airwaves with a massive 22.1%.

As the Diva reminded us back in an April 2004 column, commercial radio is his kind of world:

"It is a broadcasting battleground – a no-prisoners war theatre where the mega-stars get mega-bucks and the failures get chewed up and spewed out the back."

Hark, can that possibly be the sound of knives being sharpened in mahogany row at Radio Dead, we wonder.

UPDATE: A Watcher has helpfully drawn our attention to the Diva’s “e-column” of October 20th in which he confided his worst fears of "pratfalling on primetime telly":


"I was a bit worried participating in the first programme of Prime TV’s new series ‘Out Of The Question’ basically because no-one wants to pratfall on primetime telly. And because I am conscious that I’m representing Wanganui in such public forums and conspicuously so."
So let’s not forget that according to the Diva’s theorem of celebrity mayordom, Wanganui is also suffering more than its share of pratfalling as its "representative" gets dumped from Celebrity Treasure Island after a couple of episodes; plummets the radio ratings depths as listeners show what they think of a potty-mouthed and abusive non-celebrity; and finds himself on the butt-end of fellow "celebrities'" pisstaking in the Prime TV graveyard.


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73 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks. I wonder if this helps explain this week's campaign by the Diva to get himself in the national headlines every day ... litter, gangs, councillors' pay.

It's all just a heap of shit to divert attention from what he knew Holmes was going to be saying on air tonight.

Anonymous said...

Hell, it won't make a blind bit of difference at Radio Dead hq will it?

When you're hot you're hot, when you're not you're gone by lunchtime in that market.

They're probably already auctioning off his LawsWatch tee-shirts and boxer shorts.

Anonymous said...

1.6%

Doesn't that pretty much account for those who go out and leave the radio on for the budgie?

Anonymous said...

On second thoughts, who'd want their budgie spewing Mickey's bullshit?

Anonymous said...

In todays episode of "Mickey Through The Looking Glass", the Pres himself takes time out from counting P money to complain about the mayor fueling bad feeling in the community. Mickey (through a spokesperson) called the Pres a liar.

They deserve one another.

Anonymous said...

Televised humiliation: trying to shout over Paul Holmes when you're both wired for sound. Hasn't Mickey heard of the mixing desk? I bet those engineers dream of simply sliding his channel down to zero.

Anonymous said...

Can someone tell me when Holmes said all this about our mad mayor?

Anonymous said...

On Game of Three Losers last night?

Anonymous said...

Mickey once asked: "Where's the celebrity in being mayor of Wanganui?"

I want to know "Where's the celebrity in 1.6%?"

:)

Anonymous said...

I have to say, I've never met anyone who listens to Radio Dead, let alone Radio Dead Diva.

Anonymous said...

The "humiliation" on Game of Three Losers isn't just confined to pisstaking by Holmes and Havoc (who reminded us that the Diva's enemies call him the Diva in the first episode).

The fact is he's just not cutting it when the questions come and despite lots of finger-clicking and shouting, it's usually the other team members who come up with the answers.

Of course, it can't help his recall when episodes open with Havoc or Holmes winding him up.

Anonymous said...

Finger clicking and shouting? Sounds like his behaviour in restaurants.

Anonymous said...

None of which is true. You people wind each other up don't you?

Anonymous said...

What's not true, that there's no celebrity in being mayor of Wanganui, or that there's no celebrity in 1.6%?

Anonymous said...

Not forgetting the ultimate celebrity humility -- and I don't meant taking part in Celebrity Treasure Island but being unceremoniously booted off after just a couple of episodes.

Anonymous said...

Listened to a radio programme yesterday on the radio ratings that had Laws at 2.2 on Radio Live but the equivalent programme on Radio Pacific at 1.6. Is that where the figure came from? Can we get the actual figures. 2.2% of the adult popn of NZ would be 61,600 (2.2 x 2.8m). Holmes rating is amazing.

Anonymous said...

Watched that celebrity treasure island and he was kicked off by Brent Todd because he was a threat, Toddy said. Didn't Toddy want to share his dope then?

Anonymous said...

Where's the celebrity in 2.2%?

Anonymous said...

2.2%?

That takes care of the parrots aswell as the budgies.

Only caged birds listen to Mickey.

Anonymous said...

Does it matter how many people listen to him? It's how many people are laughing at him, that is more important. No one believes a word he says.

Anonymous said...

I wonder who said:
"2.2% of the adult popn of NZ would be 61,600"

As though the radio listening public is the adult population of the country. Statistics nz puts the radio listening population at 2.1M, but don't even list talkback ranters as a category, but we can reveal that more of the radio audience listens to songs in te reo Maori than listen to the Diva. More people listen to opera than listen to the Diva (which accounts for his abuse earlier this year, no doubt). Celebrity this minute is actually quite hard to measure: Mickey's is within the margin of error.

Anonymous said...

I saw him on Tv last night, and Mickey a piece of advice. Stop touching Hoskings, he doesn't like it and it make you look just a wee bit desperate.

Anonymous said...

Statistics nz puts the radio listening population at 2.1M.

Not quite: they say that 2.1M have listened to popular music on the radio in the last 12 months.

Mickey's Lifeless backers must be losing money hand over fist to keep him on the air.

Laws Watch said...

Sorry Watchers. The gremlins are at it again. Normal service will be resumed shortly.

Anonymous said...

"he was kicked off by Brent Todd because he was a threat .."

I think Todd meant Laws was a threat to the overall dignity and credibility of the programme (hee hee)

Anonymous said...

See mayor's column today -
www.mayormichael.co.nz

Anonymous said...

You guys are missing the point about new radio stations that have to get an audience with new channels and frequencies when most of us have our favorites. That they got 2% first up is pretty good.

Anonymous said...

Nice to have you back Mickey, you just can't stay away.
1.6 1.6 1.6 1.6 1.6 soon 1.5 1.5 1.51.4 1.3 1.2 1.1 ...

Anonymous said...

At this very moment, our wonderful mayor is on the radio talking to, well just himself really

Anonymous said...

Not according to the ratings. You people are so negative - hes doing a great job promoting Wangas - more than you will ever do.

Anonymous said...

I think you are may be a little harsh there anon. I'm sure Muzza, Dot and Helen are tuned in

Anonymous said...

According to the ratings on the website I read he got 2.2 - can't you guys read? 2.2 from nothing isnt bad at all.

Anonymous said...

Read his speech to Fed Farmers? Its on the council website and I think he was talking about you Carol/Matt. Did he think you blowflies or suffering from a personality disorder?

Anonymous said...

Looks like our celebrity mayor is back blogging along with LawsWatch again.

My understanding was that the 1.6% Holmes referred to was in the key Auckland market ... likewise his 22%.

So, Mickey, how about cutting the crap and telling us how you rated in Auckland?

Anonymous said...

Read his column - he runs a national show & he told you, dickhead!

Anonymous said...

Read his speech to Fed Farmers...
11:05 AM, November 10, 2005

Funny how "LawsMob" comes out to play name-calling during the Radio Deathwatch news and ad breaks, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Another lie. I don't listen to commercial radio.

Anonymous said...

Mickey's free-for-all flexible ethics and opinions are on clear display again. The last time he was quoted he claimed 6 years is enough. Now "maximum anyone should spend in local govt is 6-9 years."

Anonymous said...

My understanding was that the 1.6% Holmes referred to was in the key Auckland market ... likewise his (Holmes)22%.

So, Mickey, how about cutting the crap and telling us how you rated in Auckland?

Anonymous said...

Did he think you blowflies or suffering from a personality disorder, and what does it say about his character that he would describe people in such terms?

Which Councillors on WDC do his remarks on elected representatives refer to? Or which elected reps from other districts?

Let's remember, politicians are the lowest, trusted less than car-salesmen. So Mickey is busy dissing his fellow bottom feeders again. What's new?

Anonymous said...

No other sector of New Zealand society as ‘loony’ as local government. Every personality disorder represented, and attracts crazies to its fringes like cowpats attract blowflies. Some even get elected.
----------------------------
The above is from Mickys speech to Fed Farmers.

Must have been talking about himself again. Sure likes to blow his own trumpet.

Anonymous said...

Read his speech to Fed Farmers? Its on the council website

No it isn't.

Anonymous said...

Its on mayormichael.co.nz

Anonymous said...

Sorry got that wrong - youre quite right. Is that a council paid website?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Read his speech to Fed Farmers? Its on the council website

No it isn't."



Just can't get good staff nowadays, can you Mickey? Hope you gave Helen a good ticking off because I see she's done the deed.

Anonymous said...

2.2% nationally, but only 1.6% in Auckland, eh? Perhaps those jafas are trying to tell us something. And where Auckland goes the rest of the country follows...looks like Mickey's going down. He'll start needing the salary if he's not careful.

;)

Anonymous said...

Wonder if he'll lower the flag at Guyton St to mark his radio death?

Anonymous said...

anon said "where Auckland goes the rest of the country follows"

More importantly in the commercial broadcast arena, where Auckland goes the advertisers (and the revenue) follow. Just look at the dramas at TVNZ as TV3 eats away at the Auckland market.

Anonymous said...

Mickey's logic is fucked...if elected reps are all mad or ego-driven, how can they then presume to ignore the LTCCP? It's just another example of the man's overweening hypocrisy. "We're all ok," Brian says to federated farmers, "it's those other one's who're all screwed up".

Are farmers really that stupid that they sucked in by this shit? Or has the chemically-dependant nature of their industry finally turned their brains to mush along with the waterways they pollute?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Mickey's logic is fucked...


You obviously haven't read The First Principle of Logic by MB Laws.

It says: I speak therefore it is.

Anonymous said...

Come on Cron, you ran an article (press release) over the last 2 weeks on Mickey's tv show so publish the radio ratings, and get a comment from the unloved one.
And does anybody really want him advertising their cause on a shirt anymore? Could be the kiss of death for any project

Laws Watch said...

We have it on good authority that the Diva's rating for the 9am-noon weekday slot in Auckland is a dismal 1.6% audience share.

Newstalk ZB leads that slot in that market with 17.6%.

Thanks to the Watcher who pointed out that the Diva is spinning like a top by hauling out national audience figures when Mr Holmes (and LawsWatch) are talking about Auckland figures. And that's the sharp end of the radio ratings game, as any ad agency media buyer will tell you.

So no matter how desperately the Dia schmoozes the cockies, there's a limit to how many tractor makers want to put their advertising dollars into Radio Death.

Anonymous said...

Hey Dotty, you forgot to mention Muzza's side-splitting comic routines at council meetings, in that exquisite piece of shit in River City dePress!

But you go, girl. You've got all the makings of a great comedienne yourself and you're keeping the malcontents in stitches.

Anonymous said...

Is Dotty's embarrassing mess being held from publication on Council's website? Which character flaw do you suppose Mickey would assign to her?

Anonymous said...

Mickey has the whole ratings thing covered. 2% is infinitely greater than nothing, he reasons. It's lucky Radio Lifeless have his enormous expertise in marketing to rely on. In fact, being such an expert on everything he'll be able to explain why the little one is so much more popular, too.

Anonymous said...

lucy on th photo on the council page today=very nice
but would like to see
all the councillors` kids there too
i`m joking

Anonymous said...

Bad day for Mr Laws all round. Maybe he should invite the Black Power leader into his office for a little heart to heart. I'm sure he would be more docile than some of the other visitors to the mayoral rooms.

Anonymous said...

Missing the point LawsWatch but then you do so often, so why change the habit of a lifetime? Laws show is syndicated thruout all NZ whereas Holmes is not and neither is Newstalk ZB's Leighton Smith (only Auckland). 2.2% from nothing is to the mayor's credit and if that's 60,000 people listening then that's 59,990 more than read this blog :)
And where's the proof of the 1.6 in Akld apart from assertion from LW??

Anonymous said...

Saw your Mad Mayor on TV last night, he seems like he only needs one little push and he'd be 'over the edge'.

Anonymous said...

Wow, someone's got his kickers in a twist!

Anonymous said...

Well, ratings do really hit home with ML, he just loves looking good in any sort of polls, and just look where that got him last time!

Anonymous said...

Wanganui, does your mayor ever try and make any friends? Yesterday on National Radio was appalling!

Anonymous said...

and if that's 60,000 people

it's not. It's nowhere close to 60k; 2.2% of the 2.1M people quoted by statistics nz is 46,200. But those 2.1M could only be said to have "listened to popular music on the radio". However, we can take some better measures from the following info. 133,000 people have listened to songs in te reo Maori on the radio in the last twelve months. This is listed as about 18% of the market. We can use this information to show that 2.2% is 16,255.

Pathetic.

Anonymous said...

I saw the show on TV last night Mike and have to agree with an earlier post, you touch Hoskings a hell of a lot dude. You should try and stop it, looks a bit pervy

Anonymous said...

But wait, there's more. Mickey only has 1.6% of Auckland. Extrapolated nationally that'd be 11,822. Factor in the size of the Auckland market, in other words and Mickey's getting about 12.5k people over the course of a year. Most of them probably only tune in once...

By my calculations, Mickey's listening public can't be more than 2,000 nationally on any given day.

Anonymous said...

In other words, budgies left home alone listen to Mickey.

Anonymous said...

Should Mickey be worried for his radio future?
I think so

Anonymous said...

Dan said...
Saw your Mad Mayor on TV last night, he seems like he only needs one little push and he'd be 'over the edge'.

4:06 PM, November 10, 2005

Carol/Matt - isnt it time you stop pretending to be all these posters? Or are you Sybil, Carol?

Anonymous said...

The radio surveys are done on the basis of "available listening population" so for 10-plus it would be all NZers aged over 10. 2.2% of NZ would be more than 60,000 - probably closer to 80,000.
As an ex-radiophile, you also need to factor in listening time and that's the equation that advertisers look for. For example, Holmes may be heard by 17% of the NZ popn every day but how long do they listen for? If someone could find out Michael Laws' listening time then that's a fairer indication of radio worth. The longer the time, the greater an advertiser has to get at the listener. Which is why some hosts like Banks at Radio Pacific are gold because they keep a smaller audience but for much longer.
Also you have to compare like with like - talk v talk rather than talk v music. Any other info you want on that?
As an observation, no-one gets hired ot fired on one survey. It's the trend that counts so I'd hold off judgement until the next survey which is in 6 months time.

Anonymous said...

I'm assuming that ML can do no right with the majority of posters here, because he comes across on OOTQ as bloody bright.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 5.56pm
I have to agree with you, he does come across as bloody bright. Posters must have some axe to grind with him. Pretty sad.

Anonymous said...

"And where's the proof of the 1.6 in Akld apart from assertion from LW??"

Not all radio people in Wanganui are diVision party commissars, Michael.

Anonymous said...

Let's face it, he comes across as bloody stupid. Holmes or Havoc just have to wind him up and he loses the plot except for the occasional flash of rugby or political trivia