Nothing compares to U (turns)

Wondering why Gerald McDouall (chair) and Melinda Cade (CEO) of the Cooks Garden's Trust Board stayed behind after the public were kicked out at Tuesday's meeting, and just what Cooks events crisis was on the agenda?

Thanks to a search of the wastepaper bin in Committee Room 2, LawsWatch can reveal that they were helping rewrite one of that old rocker Jimmy Barnes' songs for the Boxing Day bash.

AIN'T NO DEBT MOUNTAIN HIGH ENOUGH
No matter how broke you are
No matter how far, how high the bar
Just call my name (it's Michael)
I'll get some cash in a hurry
You don't have to worry
'Cause baby,
There ain't no debt mountain high enough
Ain't no u-turn that's low enough
Ain't no spin fairy wide enough
To keep me from getting my pool

While Wanganui's credit rating burns, the Diva is determined to fiddle... and strum... and play the tambourine if that helps takes people's minds off the way things are. And if you can get Jimmy Barnes to accompany you, so much the better.

Just what did actually go on during the secret discussions with the Cooks board can't be divulged, as they were deemed "commercially sensitive". All we can tell you is that they were held under the heading "events". Meanwhile, Wanganui was notable by its absence from the national advertising of Barnes' summer tour itinerary.

We're purely guessing here, but if ticket sales weren't all they were predicted to be, a promoter might be tempted to leave the venue off the list just in case, and might say to someone - the local promoter, say, or perhaps the venue - that if they wanted the performance to go ahead, they'd need to provide some sort of guarantee; an underwriting, in other words.

And garralous over-excitable giggler Deputy Dot McKinnon is awfully quiet on one topic at least - finding the money to fund the River Queen extravaganza. An early softening up of ratepayers for more bad news can be found in the current Mayoral e-column, in which the Diva, torn tissue in hand, laments that:

It would be fair to say that I'm a little disappointed that the wider commercial community has not taken the best advantage of this national event – by getting involved in sponsorship and the like.

Oh, so when this goes pear-shaped, it'll be the community's fault. The commercial community no less - the ones who got hit with anything but a nil rates rise and so are already involuntarily contributing more than ever to the Diva's Romanesque fiddle concerto. And they were asked in advance if they'd be willing to fund Dotty's big moment on the red carpet when, exactly?

The poor Spin Fairy must be sweating over that incessantly flashing cursor, trying to come up with a palatable way of enthusing the long suffering ratepayers about coming up with more cash than the $150,000 "limit".

That was imposed back in September when Dotty promised that:

"Shortly, posters and hoardings will be going up around the city promoting the movie. As people enter Wanganui, they'll be greeted with signs saying 'You are now entering River Queen country'. It's very exciting."

If we're going to talk signage, might LawsWatch recommend a large "No U turn" be added to the portraiture gracing the Council chamber?

It would be too late to prevent the U turn on the pledge (recorded in the Council's minutes for 26 April 2005) that "funding of referendum items would be based on the conversion of old Council assets to the new Council assets, therefore, for a referendum project to proceed the Council must first sell an asset to gain the funding required" since the Finance and Administration Committee has voted to dig a $2.5 million debt hole and throw Wanganui ratepayers into it. Hopefully it'll rain, then they can put up a sign saying "Splash Centre Extension". But it might just stop long-suffering ratepayers being forced over the $150,000 limit they had no say in imposing in the first place.

So has anyone reached into their pocket for a marquee and a portaloo at the River Queen premiere? Gushes the Diva, tissue by now thoroughly soaked:

I was humbled by the Rangitikei District Council's support of $5,000 towards organising the RQ premiere. Our grateful thanks to Bob Buchanan and his team.

Yes, none other than the Diva's new best friend, Rangitikei Mayor Bob "The Basher" Buchanan, has - quite literally - decided to come to the party. We're sure he's busy organising buses for his ratepayers, since he surely wouldn't spend their money just so he and a few handpicked cronies could put on their best frocks. Watchers will recall the Diva used Bob as the cheap-option guest speaker at the retreat (from which all those councillors retreated).

The Diva/Bob mutual admiration society is a fascinating U turn in itself, considering the Diva was mocking his Rangitikei counterpart not so long ago - and, for once, with good reason. More on Bob the Basher tomorrow. (Note: Now postponed to early next week due to breaking news - see above)

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