It's fun till someone gets hurt
A humble footman: Good morning, Ma'am.
A Regal Personage: Ahh good morning Carruthers. What's that terrible noise?
Ahf: (sighing) They're changing the guard, Ma'am.
ARP: Changing them again? We really ought to install latrines. Hah! And Charles thinks the Goon Show was funny.
Ahf: Yes Ma'am, it gets funnier every morning you tell it. Do you wish to see this morning's correspondence or shall I read you a precis?
ARP: You can read it whilst I clip the corgis' toenails.
Ahf: I'll make a note to change the sheets again, Your Majesty. Now let's see... your husband wishes to confer a knighthood upon someone called Holmes, Ma'am. Apparently because he called the Secretary General of the UN a "cheeky darky", a sentiment with which His Royal Highness says he "agrees wholeheartedly".
ARP: Oh for heavens sake, drop Phillip a note and tell him he can knight whoever he likes, but only after he stops letting that Mr Amin hide in the pool house. Honestly, fishing beheaded servants out of the pool costs a fortune nowadays, not like in great great grandaddy's time. And Mr Amin saying "he's a footman, he doesn't need a head" was funny the first time, but...
Ahf: Yes Ma'am I'll take care of it immediately. Let's see... the usual petition from Mr W Peters suggesting you abdicate in his favour, signed by every resident of every nursing home in New Zealand... Mr Blair wondering if he, Mr Bush and Mr Howard might be allowed to blow up just the tiniest piece of Balmoral so as to be able to blame it on someone else and declare martial law... I'll tell them no again, shall I?
ARP: (distractedly wrestling with a canine hang-nail) Mmmmm... anything else?
Ahf: Well there's this, from a Councillor Don McGregor of, ummm... Won-ger-new-ee... who says he's singlehandedly defending your honour and wishes you to send reinforcements.
ARP: What on earth? I haven't had my honour need defending for a very long time alas, not since Phillip misheard that comment about him living with an old queen.
Ahf: Well, Mr McGregor says your portrait has been taken down in the local Council chambers.
ARP: Goodness, revolution has broken out in this Wong-eye-whateveritis place? They've declared a republic?
Ahf: It seems not, Ma'am. No portrait of an alternative head of state has been hung in its place, but rather a picture of some mountain. A volcano, I believe.
ARP: I've heard about these people who worship a volcano god of some sort... tell Cr McGregor not to worry, there's a consignment of colourful beads and loin cloths on the way, that should quieten down the Wong-eye-newy rebellion.
Ahf: Yes, Ma'am. Ummm... but Cr McGregor seems to be implying he'd appreciate a mention in the New Years honours list, Ma'am. For singlehandedly defending your honour and all. He also says he's protecting the town from someone called the Diva, who's apparently very rude when famous people die and refuses to lower the official flag. He adds that he's so far slept through almost every Council meeting, and inevitably has the same dream of you conferring an honour upon him.
ARP: Well it just so happens I've looked him up on this handily placed laptop... I really must ask Charles why he's bookmarked www.concubines-r-us.com... anyway, is this the same Cr McGregor who didn't mind this Diva person calling the townsfolk "single issue nutters" and much worse?
Ahf: Well you're the one with the broadband Ma'am. But it seems to be, yes.
ARP: Well it seems Cr McGregor cares more about my honour than that of the townsfolk. What a strange man. Not as strange as this Diva person, but strange nonetheless. Am I still allowed to send people to the Tower?
Ahf: Alas no, Ma'am.
ARP: Bugger.
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18 comments:
How come Don only goes for the small issues rather than the large ones?
Don should take a CoC out on the mayor, if he feels that strongly.
I love this blog, but can we keep to one posting a day?
I'd like to know what other "decisions" Mickey has made on his own. Perhaps Council staff could provide us with a list of Diktats, or should that be Micktats?
I love this blog, but can we keep to one posting a day?
Our medication has run out ;-)
We try to plan ahead, but then someone like Don comes along and begs to be commented upon :-D
We'll do our best to restrain ourselves in coming days, anon. But could you perhaps slip something into the water at Guyton St?
The issues raised by Don McGregor (the flag , the queen) are just the tip of the iceberg.
Other councillors beside Don are concerned about the Laws dictatorial behaviour, made possible by the pandering of the Vision clique and Rangi Wills.
The $100,000 refit of the Council chambers rankles some. Laws led Councillors bulldosed this through, but Laws then just fitted it out according to his own wishes.The actual cost has not been revealed to councillors, and,while they had the opportunity to vote on how much could be spent, they were not party to what it was spent on.
It's ironic that Laws' responds to these criticisms by councillors by saying they should raise these things with him first.
The whole point is that they're complaining he doesn't raise things with THEM first.
Surely the well-paid Spin Fairy can come up with something more imaginative for these defensive press releases.
Funny how these mayoral slaggings off (of councillors in this case) are appearing on the WDC website again.
McGregor and his fellow dwarves didn't seem to think there was a problem with the mayor using the website to slag off citizens earlier in the year - now it's his turn.
"Surely the well-paid Spin Fairy can come up with something more imaginative for these defensive press releases."
Yes, anon, but the Spin Fiary isn't paid by the ratepayers to be imaginative. She is paid by the ratepayers to write what the mayor tells her to write.
This really needs good reporting to the community at large. I do agree with the mayor, we all need to focus on the wider issues of this city and how it is being run. With a man with such a dubious past we have to watch every move. Chas might have got away with it, however, we can not let it continue with this new council.
TO: John Maslin
FROM: Spin Fairy
Oh boy, John, Michael was really, really mad when he saw that you’d put Don McGregor’s trivial little bitch session on the front page.
After all, he’s told you a hundred times that the Chron should be looking at the bigger picture, talking about the thousand and one crises hitting the city like a swarm of killer bees -- and not, ever, Read His Lips, running stories about issues that not-so-bright non-Vision councillors seem to think are important.
We do hope you didn’t put McGregor on the front page just to get back at Michael because he yanked that ad from Pride at the last moment but there is that lingering suspicion.
Anyway, John, you know the drill. It’s time to make amends. To save you going back and finding the last press release on the subject, I’ve done a quick cut and paste. You will of course run it as the lead story with nice big headlines, won’t you John?
So John's his whipping - boy?
Oh no, that's Helen.
Saw Dot today, she looked worn out. You have to feel some pity for her having to deal with the Diva every week.
Her own making, she's lost a lot of support in her community by sticking by Laws.
Dot knew what she was getting into, or she's no business being there at all. It was under her direction that the dog got off the leash in the first place.
No sympathy for Dotty here.
Pity for Dot?? She had her chance to rein him in at the code of conduct and instead she (and the lackeys) handed him a licence to behave like a prize prick.
The man's a liability. Dotty is too.
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