Face it, Michael, they don’t like you

The Wanganui Chronicle tells us Wanganui Mayor Michael Laws was uncharacteristically ‘unavailable for comment’ in the aftermath of the humiliating on-screen trainwreck that saw him stumble from the annual orgy of mediocrity and stupidity that passes for celebrity entertainment in Godzone.

However, LawsWatch can reveal it has scooped the Chronic and the Women's Daze, and has obtained an exclusive interview with the elusive loser. After wiping the mayoral spittle from his face our intrepid reporter filed this dispatch:

LW: Well Michael, you sure made a fool of yourself this time. You must be wondering what made you do it?

ML: What gives YOU the right to even speak to me, you pathetic loser. What have you ever done to promote yourself, eh? How many acres of news coverage have you managed to whip up for yourself and your cronies? How many times have you managed to get yourself and your kids in the women’s magazines? How many hours of your own radio talkback show have you managed to hijack to try to con the fools out there to vote for YOU?

LW: Surely that’s not the point. But it’s good to hear you admitting that you’ve lied from the beginning of this slow-moving trainwreck by claiming it’s all for Wanganui and Cancer.

ML: Lie? Of course I lie! Everybody knows that. What are you? Some sort of fool?

LW: It’s been interesting to hear the council insiders’ story of how you threw a fit when you were told you couldn’t hijack the ratepayer funded Wanganui District Council website for your own promotional purposes, and how the CEO caved in and let you make a laughing stock of the city.

ML: Of course he caved in, you fool. Why do you think I handpicked him and the other crawlers I surround myself with? You wouldn’t believe what a sweet deal I managed to get for him, so of course he does what he’s told.

LW: Your blatant use of council resources to promote yourself has been commented on in the DomPost and elsewhere, including by blogger Aucklander-at-large in a piece titled Politicians and Reality TV do not mix. It was noted that Rodney Hide also tried to turn his dancing scam into public support, but at least he paid for it … and the blog wondered whether the Wanganui District Council would charge you for the website exposure, or at least count it against your election expenses.

ML: Who takes any notice of that sort of rubbish by journalistic hacks and has-beens? I haven’t heard John Maslin even mention any of that, let alone complain about it. And everybody knows that he’s the most fearless, independent media sycophant I’ve ever managed to batter into abject submission.

LW: But the fact remains that you’ve effectively subjected yourself to a national popularity contest and despite the vast amounts of free publicity you’ve managed to give yourself, the people have spoken. Face it, Michael, they don’t like you.

ML: That’s just the point, isn’t it? The whole country is awash with subhuman fools who don’t yet know that what’s good for Michael Laws is what’s good for them!!