Smoke and mirrors? You want aisle 4.

Watchers eagerly sifting through the piles of pre-Christmas junk mail in search of Warehouse or Briscoes' bargains may have carelessly tossed out a cheap and cheerful little eight-page blue and white flyer from the diVision Mega-store.

Like any good marketing manager, Vision pamphleteer Helen Lawrence has put together a relentlessly positive spin-sheet offering bargains galore and promising nothing short of ratepayer heaven for those queuing for the diVision buy-election special once-in-a-term Mega Sale.

A front page heading says it all. Council draws praise, gushes Helen. There’s a spread of mugshots of the new boy network appointed to attend to back-office functions at the Vision Mega store and smiling councillors looking exceptionally pleased to be sales assistants for the brand. (Well, Cr Ray Stevens actually looks like he’s about to bring up his breakfast and what a ten-month old baby is doing in the middle of this lot is a mystery but perhaps diVision Mega is also stocking disposable diapers).

There’s a range of special summer promotions ranging from film premieres to rock concerts to, yes, the council chambers upgrade. (If this was a real retail emporium and subject to fair trading rules, we can only wonder what the Commerce Commission would make of the yet-again-repeated crock that the chamber makeover came in under budget, when in fact a big chunk of the proposed work was quietly buried).

Watchers fighting off bargain fatigue may find themselves even more confused by the Referendum '05 projects update section covering the Splash Centre and City Waterfront development, both of which are in line for special Christmas windfalls of borrowed cash.

Helen tells us all about Project Splash's fundraising "initiatives" and also that "funding is in place" for the waterfront development… and not a word about the fact that the ratepayers are now in hoc for an extra $2.6 million for these two projects. But then of course that wasn’t mentioned either in the cute wee paragraphs that Helen and her boss cooked up to con the punters into voting for them at the referendumb.

We do note that Cr Randhir Dahya made his distaste for borrowing to cover these projects clear at the initial Admin and Finance "discussion". He then went on (but was not reported in the Chron) to suggest at the subsequent council meeting that a new referendumb item covering this borrow-and-build frenzy be put to the punters in February. But as his was the only hand that went up the punters won’t be getting any chance to have their say on this nasty little about-turn.

Now, even our truly horrific credit card bills are required to tell us (albeit it in very fine print) about something called the Credit Contracts and Consumer Finance Act. As the Diva’s favourite minister, Judith Tizard, opined on the introduction of changes to the Act in October 2004:

"The Act allows credit providers considerable flexibility in how they go about disclosing key information on credit products to consumers, provided that the disclosure is clear, concise and likely to bring the information to the attention of the borrower. The manner of disclosure must not be likely to mislead a consumer."

Alas, ratepayers sold a pup by the diVision Mega store don’t have recourse to anything as sensible as fair disclosure provisions. For them, another year of smoke and mirrors lies ahead, we fear.


Update (9.20 pm): In response to a commenter who asks for a new poll with the "real" candidates - yes, such a poll will occur just as soon as nominations close on the 23rd of December. Unfortunately, the polling software can't cope with having names added after the poll is created, so we're waiting till the nominations close. And anyway, you might precipitously cast your vote for candidate A today, only to find that you'd rather candidate Z, who left his or her nomination till the last minute.

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Straight from the horse's mouth?

Oh dear, the LawsWatch cave has a certain amount of Eggs Baker-Hogan on its crystal ball this morning following confirmation of rumours served up here several weeks ago that diVision’s sportiest chick is trying out for the Diva-coxed boat.

We wish to assure readers that certain Watchers have been confined to clear-cutting duties while they spend time in the Cave’s veterinary department being re-educated by our equine specialists about which end of the horse is the horse’s mouth and which end is the diVision mouth. However, the re-education of these miscreants won't be confined to blackboard theory, as they will be required to do shovel duty at Guyton Street to complete their training.

Meanwhile, we hope that Baker-Hogan had her tongue firmly in cheek (and leave Watchers to judge which end of the horse’s anatomy we are referring to) when she told the Chron:

"… I’m an independent and strong person and would never shy away from expressing my own opinion… "

Now that sounds to us a lot like something straight from the mouth of her fellow District Health Boarder Rangi Wills who, since slipping around the council table under the Ratepayers’ Association horse cover has shown growing confusion about which way his nag is facing. In fact, most race-days he even saddles up to start under diVision colours.

And on the subject of Cr Wills, who straggled past the DHB finishing post in the 2004 Election Stakes with just 2761 votes compared to Baker-Hogan’s first place with 4395, we also note Baker-Hogan’s comments that:

"The district’s health concerns were another factor, in my decision. I believe a much closer link must be forged between the health board and the district council."

Can this mean she doesn’t rate Cr Wills’ form very highly, even as the front-running stalking horse for the diVision stable?

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Ball trouble

There's nothing we like better at the LawsWatch cave on an idle Sunday afternoon than a bit of crystal ball gazing (Well there is, but we seem to have misplaced the corkscrew momentarily...)

The latest bout of gypsy-like speculation was prompted by this comment to a previous post:

Anonymous said...
LawsWatch wrote -
Someone from diVision perhaps (the Diva's frantically working down the alphabetical list, hoping to find someone willing to be associated with him. Zebedee is unfortunately committed to another series of the Magic Roundabout. Zorro, meanwhile, has switched off his mobile.)
Yes, 'B' is a long way down isn't it?

At first we assumed that perhaps this meant the Diva kept his Rolodex in alphabetical order of first names, and was busily coaching Bob Walker on how best to stand for diVision - that is, say nothing for the entire campaign and be sure to quickly wipe away any flecks of foam that might appear at the corners of his mouth.

But could this be a hint of something much more spectacular? Since it's Sunday, let's give skepticism the day off as we postuate this scenario:

• After it was well reported on LawsWatch weeks ago, Mayorless Leonie Brookhammer's Diva-like spray against Horizons suddenly gains a spot in yesterday's Chron. "Predicting (of fellow Councillors and Horizons staff "they will seek to shut me down", the piece concludes by quoting her as saying "Doing myself out of a job? absolutely." Of course that's in the context of a long-term plan to disestablish Horizons, but read on...
• In an unusual (for the Chron) move, Cr Brookhammer's claims were extensively rebutted in the same issue, described as "absolute rubbish" by Horizons chair Garry Murfitt, who said he was "bitterly disappointed" that a Councillor would go public in the way that she had. The fact that - as LawsWatch claimed in our original story - her attendance was less than stellar was also revealed - 65 percent versus the overall attendance ofas 91 percent, with councillors even manging close to 100 percent.
• Meanwhile, back at the District Council, the Diva is reputedly having considerable difficulty finding someone willing to stand fo diVision in the forthcoming by-election. And with nominations due to close this coming Friday, perhaps things are getting desperate...
• So perhaps having reached the end of the alphabet he’s started again at the beginning and stopped at B (as our anonymous informant suggests) for Brookhammer...

So, can this be the start of the mayorless’s buy-election campaign? This stranger-than-fiction tale cobbled together from scraps of mayoral memos found in the Porritt St rubbish collection concludes something like this:

Memo: Bob
From: Michael
Re: Leo for Vision candidate?

Let’s get Leo on board the sinking ship. I’ll write her speeches and press releases and we’ll start off by putting the boot into Horizons.

To do list:

1. Put the squeeze on Mas to run Leo’s (my) Horizons dump.
2. Build up profile of sporty chick/young mum profile since the rower’s jumped ship:


1. Spin Fairy to arrange to get her pic in the Comical biking down the hill.
2. Press release from me about quaint little domestic moments like the fact she once did a bit of stroking for Honkers.
3. Get the Chron to photograph her on the track at Cooks - also good rap for mayoral mile. (We’ll have to just hope the cops don’t talk too much about her discus throwing practice).


3. Build up young mum/family values profile: Make sure little Lucy’s birthday gets saturation coverage to rival that other minor Christmas birth back-story.
   
4. Policy:
   
   This is easy: she’ll be giving her councillor stipend away to lots of good causes, of course. Beyond that we don't really need a policy, as I've proven beyond a doubt.
   
5. How to handle her abysmal attendance record at Horizons?
   
   Simple. If she’s going to go to bugger-all meetings she might as well go to bugger-all meetings closer to home. We'll sell it as evidence of her commitment to saving the mugs' money.

Then again, much like Mickey admitted in last week's Sunday Star Times column about his own equipment, it might just be that our balls are malfunctioning...

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Not that sack, Mickey, the other one!

Back in July LawsWatch first created the character of SantacLaws, so we'll be sending the bill over to Mr Maslin and the Chron, who appropriated the concept without paying royalties on Wednesday to headline "Santa Laws" above a story detailing the Mayor's donations to various projects.

Any hope that this might have been a story in the tradition of recent efforts by Sean Hoskins - i.e. doing something other than taking everything said by the Diva at face value - was lost by the end of the first line, which reads "He's too lean for Santa’s red suit, but Mayor Michael Laws is positively Christmas". We're beginning to suspect the Watcher who got somewhat over-heated by our picture of Mayorman in full-body lycra a few days ago may be moonlighting as a Chron reporter.

It mentions he's paid $71,000 gross and pays tax at 38 cents in the dollar - the Mayoral appointment being secondary employment for the Diva in both the literal and taxable sense of the word.

It then goes on to list a variety of things he's spent his money on, including:

• $10,000 on the Mayoral Mile
• $3,200 on the Stayz/YMCA Salsa Spectacular
• $2,500 to the Storm Relief Fund
• $1,000 on the Bridge-to-Bridge Swim
• $500 each to the Red Eye Mural and the Reclaim Wanganui Vigil

That's $17,700 of specifics. He's also commissioned art for public viewing, and paid his own Mayoral entertainment expenses, which are usually a cost to Council above the Mayor's salary. These sorts of expenses include hosting of the post Referendumb ’05 knees-up.

Somewhat strangely he also funds or part-funds two staff in his office, one no doubt being the Spin Fairy. No other Mayor has found the level of Council support provided to the Mayor to be inadequate, but then again no other Mayor has used the position solely as a means to direct the spotlight on himself. That's also reflected in his having paid for the establishment and maintenance of the mayoral website, which is entirely self-promotional, offers no open forum, and yet is unquestioningly classed as a charitable donation by the Chron. By that reckoning, Paris Hilton's makeup bill makes the grade.

He's also made charitable donations to deserving persons in the community. LawsWatch is aware of some of these, and they unequtionably meet the criteria of a genuine charitable donation with no spin-off for the Mayor. And to his credit, he gives this portion of his money with no fanfare.

The salary the Diva receives is unarguably his to do with as he wishes. That he gives even a portion of it away to genuinely charitable causes such as flood relief and individuals in need is commendable. That a great deal of it goes to community activites such as the Mayoral Mile that just happen to place him at their Centre and provide publicity opportunities... well, it wouldn't be the Diva if he didn't seek the spotlight, even if he has to pay for the bulb.

That some of it subsidises staff whose only function is to massage his ego, respond to his whims and manufacture spin is a much greyer area. It's his money, after all. If he wants to hire belly dancers to keep him entertained and feed him grapes and dates while fanning him with ostrich feathers, that's entirely his business. But when he hires people whose job it is to obfuscate, spin, manufacture obsequious press releases to be published verbatim 100% of the time in the RCP and all too often in the Chron - and when that interferes with people's right to know the truth about what's going on at Council - that's when the mist starts thickening.

All in all, though, $71,000 is a relatively small amount in the overall scheme of things. What's of far greater concern is that while giving some of that with one hand, with the other he's taking away - siphoning off $200,000 of community contracts funding to his Wanganui Inc slush fund where it will be discussed (What bloody discussion? We're talking the likes of Ron Janes and Rangi Wills here- Ed.) behind firmly closed doors and given to his favourite "events".

At the same time this is happening he is also allocating more ratepayers money to buy favour with people like the lawn bowlers, where he turned up at the season opening with family in tow and held a $5,000 lolly scramble for the oldies - all helping to build, in their eyes at least, his position as Art Czar and arbiter of what's acceptable (which seems in many case to be populist kitsch).

Also of much greater import is the fact he uses the donation of his salary as a platform to position himself as somehow better than those councillors (in Wanganui and beyond) and other Mayors who take the salary and don't give most of it away. Membership on Council should be unpaid, he says.

It wasn't so long ago that membership of Parliament or a council was purely a club for the wealthy. The gentry would meet to discuss the disposition of public assets while the working classes toiled and paid taxes to create those assets. People then woke up to the idea that this wasn't all that representative a system - sometimes the waking up involved a revolution, even - and things were changed so that representatives were paid a fair wage for the time spent reading mountains of material, familiarising themselves with the issues, and then turning up to meetings to debate them.

It's fair to suggest that those wages have gone beyond what's reasonable - especially when talking of national rather than local politicians. It's fair to suggest that some of the people we elect don't do the required amount of study and preparation for meetings (and the Diva himself has been caught out a few times). But for someone who's paid an inordinate amount of money for mouthing off on the wireless and updating an uninterested readership on the state of his testicles to suggest that we don't pay our representatives is simply disingenuous. And incidentally, Mickey, while you're in Santa mode, we're not at all interested in the state of your sack.

Whether it's a wage earner who gives up some of their income to attend a 2 pm or 4 pm Council meeting, or a stay-at-home mum who has to hire a babysitter so she can attend, or a business person who has to get in extra staff or close the doors so they can turn up, representing the people in elected office has a monetary cost for most.

If Councillors weren't paid, that would narrow the field of people willing to stand to those with nothing better to do, and those with independent wealth. Somehow, we don't recall reading that plan in the now-vanished diVision democracy policy.

They're lining up...

The buy-election field on the right just got even more crowded. And as the day for final nominations draws near (December 23 - also the last day to get on the roll if you're not already - which can be done by going to the elections website) it's likely more candidates will come out of the woodwork.

Latest to throw his wheelbarrow in the ring is none other than one Bren Sinclair - definitely a candidate of the errr, loopy Right. Mr Sinclair is a car wrecker who had his 15 minutes of fame in the RCP last year pushing his wheelbarrow around to oppose the Civil Union Bill. Watchers put their minds to figuring how a wheelbarrow related in Mr Sinclair's mind to the topic of civil unions and quickly began travelling down a road involving the "wheelbarrow races" of our youth... and decided to stop right there.

We await, as some commenters have predicted, the arrival of Frog to bring some balance as candidate du jour of the substance-affected Left. With a field clustered with right-leaning candidates likely to vote-split, it's entirely possible that - as some commenters have gleefully predicted - a Frog campaign might emerge victorious. If he can be found, that is. And can recall salient facts - such as his name and address to put on the nomination form.

So, to recap, so far we've got:

• Allan Anderson (former National candidate, Federated Farmers president, rural conservative, Anglican, family values)
• Margaret Campion (widow of former National MP Cam, community focus, president of Alzheimer's Wanganui, immediate past presidentof Zonta, a member of the Whanganui District Health Board community disability support advisory committee and Performing Arts Trust Board, international secretary for the National Council of Women NZ, arts supporter etc.)
• Mark Simmonds (ex Chamber of Commerce president, business owner, capable of "studied belligerence", thought to have National Party affiliations)
• Bren Sinclair (God's barrow pusher)
• Morgs Hunter-Bell (Rebel without a Laws (maybe?), always keen to put the boot in to the Sarjeant, artists and mayoral critics)
• Someone from diVision perhaps (the Diva's frantically working down the alphabetical list, hoping to find someone willing to be associated with him. Zebedee is unfortunately committed to another series of the Magic Roundabout. Zorro, meanwhile, has switched off his mobile.)

As we've stated in the past, we'll be offering all the candidates - yes, even Mr Sinclair, and Frog, if he emerges - a spot on the LawsWatch Buy-Election Blog, to profile themselves, state their policies and debate the issues with visitors. We won't endorse anyone, but will endeavour to help make the process as transparent as possible - because unlike diVision's pre-election website, the Buy-Election Blog won't disappear after the votes are cast. What the victorious candidate says will remain on the permanent record, against which their behaviour as a Councillor may be assessed.

Meanwhile, it seems there's a campaign, extending well beyond LawsWatch, to use the buy-election to attack various people for not standing. As well as numerous comments (most of which we've allowed, a few of which we've rejected) there are anonymous calls to Chronvox pop polls, Letters to the Editor (hopefully he'll check that the writers exist this time) and a phone call to at least one person's home at the weekend, from some brave person with a blocked number and a made-up name. A week, they say, is a long time in politics. For some residents of Wanganui the noxious climate created by the Diva means the two months or so between now and polling day are unfortunately going to seem very long indeed.

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Miscellaneous nihilism

We were right when we said almost a week ago that Morgs Hunter-Bell will stand in the by-election. He's confirmed it on his website today. As a commenter bemoaned, "...someone only need start a rumour and it gets it's own update". That's because we feel it's better to air information and let ordinary Watchers confirm it for themselves, rather than keep stuff confined to secret caucus meetings and public excluded sessions of Council, then when forced to release it to do so in a mist of spin and disinformation.

A lot of rumours that find there way here are based on fact, but the people who know the truth aren't about to risk coming into the cross-hairs of a wealthy and highly litigious individual like the Diva. Not that we're referring to any particular rumour. No, not at all.

---

Talking of which, amongst the mist which forms the latest Mayoral e-column is this fascinating tid-bit:

We have a special council meeting on Monday to analyse "an investment opportunity" and then have some preliminary discussions on the LTCCP.

Elsewhere in the mist, the Diva reminds us that Council is "a non-profit, community organisation". Indeed it is. So what's this about "investment opportunities"? Not that Councils ought not to take an opportunity to grow ratepayers' money, but it is ratepayers' money that's potentially at risk, so let's see if Council considers ratepayers worthy of knowing what this is all about. Since we're talking gambling, anyone like to bet whether Watchers will be shooed from the gallery before such incisive financial minds As Muzza Hughes, Dot McKinnon and Rangi Wills decide whether to "invest" your money?

---

Scary Mayor continues to pave the way for Mayorman to come to our rescue, with this comment on the LTCCP:

The financial management and governance of the previous council was appalling. I have a horrible feeling that there is still more to be uncovered in that regard, and I sincerely hope I am wrong. Whatever the result, I suspect an ugly LTCCP is in prospect. With some equally ugly choices needing to be made.

So it's going to get ugly, but it's not the Diva's fault. Clearly, like those commenters who've claimed there have never been successful arts politicians, the Diva hasn't read any Vaclav Havel, Czech poet, writer, and former President, who said:

We must not blame the previous rulers for everything, not only because it would be untrue but also because it could blunt the duty each of us faces today, that is, the obligation to act independently, freely,reasonably, and quickly.

---

And while some Watchers are about ready to choke on the amount of mist we're reproducing here, we couldn't let this pass without comment:

There was the usual moaning and whinging from the usual moaners and whingers, over Dr Warburton's reorganisation of the Queens Park facilities – the cultural precinct that includes the library, art gallery and museum.

Cr Rangi Wills is right in his public comments on such people. Nothing will make them happy – they are malcontents. For them it was always the Sarjeant Gallery extension or nothing. They are not so much critics as petty nihilists.

Actually, since a nihilist is a skeptic, cynic, disbeliever, dissenter and doubter we're happy to accept the moniker, but we assume he's also including Jodie Dalgleish (Wanganui Arts, Culture and Heritage trustee, Sarjeant supporters working party member, gallery owner and artist) and Deb Frederikse (Wanganui Arts, Culture and Heritage Trust chair) in that particular spray, since they dared get quoted in the Chron as being "cautious" about the beheading of Bill Milbank and promotion of Sally Patrick. No room for doubt in Mickey's Brave New World.

And we haven't even mentioned how "uncomfortable" the River Queen "premiere" is making the poor Diva. "I'm not a red carpet sort of person", he laments. Well he's stood up the organisers of enough other functions, so the solution is simple - don't show. Forego an opportunity for a media appearance. Go on Mickey, you know you can do it. But since we're in a gambling mood, we'll bet Watchers he'll be there, Mayoress in tow, pearly whites shined for the cameras. Hating every flashbulb of course. It's the Wanganui in him.

---

Meanwhile, make sure you head along to the Council's website and pick up a copy of the quarterly bulletin. Nine mentions of the shy, retiring Diva in eight pages (and, to be fair, we're not counting the listing of his name and email address along with those of other Councillors on the back page). Dot McKinnon gets two, David Warburton gets four, though one of these is just a heading above his photo.

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Update (8.25pm): An artistic Watcher (the very worst kind, according to the Diva) has sent in this illustration of Councillor Morgs off to his first meeting. Don't despair Morgs, we're laughing with you.

We'll give him this much: poli-speak comes naturally. In one paragraph of his announcement he admits to being "friendly with the current set of councillors, as well as the Mayor", but in the next assures readers that "contrary to speculation, I have not been approached by the Vision party about running under their banner" and that "my own name will be what goes on the signs and pamphlets".

Just like Rangi Wills, hmm? His name went on all his material as well, and we all know how fiercely independent he is.

Morgs says his biggest problem at present is campaign finance, and that he "will consider any sponsorship proposals that come [his] way". Hopefully not including having the entire campaign funded by the Mayor the way the diVisioners did, in return for a small price. But then again, they probably weren't using their souls anyway.

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