Is that a candidate in your pocket, or...?

While he's big enough to take care of himself without Watchers coming to his aid, we're a little puzzled by the amount of mud being slung at Morgs Hunter-Bell over his non-showing in the buy-election.

The crux of this particular matter, we believe, is that according to Morgs:

"Before The Chronicle saw, before LawsWatch woke up that day, Michael Laws read my announcement and emailed me offering to pay my nomination fee".

This tells us two things:

1. Not content with having one official declared candidate in the race (Phillipa Baker-Hogan), the Diva was taking a keen interest in other candidates, particularly, it seems, those with whom he thought he could wield some influence.
2. If he made such an approach to one candidate, chances are that similar offers of some form of support may have been made to others. It's time, perhaps, that all candidates made some sort of statement as to what, if any, assistance they have opted to receive from the Mayor.

Despite being, on his own admission, virtually penniless, Morgs turned down that offer and thereby lost a chance to run for office. He could have accepted and, as the rules stand at present, never disclosed that he had. He could also have kept silent about the offer even though he didn't accept. Given that we're about trying to bring some openness and accountability to Wanganui politics, we can only commend his actions. It's clear that the Diva agrees with some commenters that Morgs would have been a "clone" had he been elected (or he wouldn't have offered his support) but on the strength of his actions to date it's possible they're wrong.

But this isn't about Morgs. He's not a candidate and we wish him luck with whatever influence he can bring to bear with the various youth initiatives with which he's involved. It's about the way politics is played in Wanganui.

Of course the Lawsmob (or the Diva himself in one of his anonymous guises) will no doubt attempt to justify this by saying that increasing the field of candidates improves the choice available to voters. Or something. Which handily overlooks the point that if many of the people standing for election are in fact doing so with the implicit backing of the Mayor whilst failing to disclose that fact that's not aiding democracy, that's perverting it. And while all we're aware of at present is a relatively paltry $200, to someone without a job $200 is a lot of money. One can only speculate as to how beholden someone in Morgs's position may have felt, or whether any further support would have been forthcoming.

If a trainer wants to have more than one horse in a race, that's fine - so long as the jockeys wear their colours openly so people are aware of their connections. Otherwise the race is potentially open to fixing.

But this is the way politics is now done in Wanganui, and it's reminiscent of Hawkes Bay in the 1990s. Back then, the Diva decided to take his bread and circuses formula to the poor, downtrodden inhabitants of Flaxmere. He fixed on their need for a high school and set out to win their hearts and minds.

But the whole thing got caught up in education politics and the Diva found he "would need to revert to blackmail to secure the victory". On page 256 of "The Demon Profession" he explains how he successfully dealt with obstacles put in his way by then Education Minister Lockwood Smith:

My only regret was that I could not claim any public credit for fear of exposing the deceit, blackmail and general lack of good faith in my manoeuvrings. But a deal was a deal. And sometimes one must do evil to achieve good. In that one moment I had become entirely corrupted by the political process. All my public platitudes about honesty and accountability had been seared away by a mixture of self-interest and sentimentality.

The theme appears even earlier, on page 236 (dealing with how he decided to overcame his principles and stood for re-election under the National Party banner):

Dostoevsky was right, the ends do justify the means. That is the thing about politics. You can fake sincerity so plausibly because the first person you con is yourself.

Sadly, though, the con doesn't end there, as many of the comments on this blog demonstrate. We're often accused of being automatically against anything done by the Mayor, and let's accept for a moment that's correct. If so, that's far less a danger to democracy than those who unquestioningly accept every piece of spin from Guyton Street and fawn over their "celebrity" Mayor in public, in the newspapers (which in the case of the RCP at least, a leading lickspittle actually edits) and in comments to this blog. Because without close scrutiny even the fairest and most honest administration can make mistakes and even, possibly, become corrupt. And with an avowed believer that "the ends justify the means" elected to the town's highest office, the possibilty of that occuring can only be heightened.

We wish a Happy New Year to the hardworking toilers in the Chron newsroom, to the set-upon souls at Guyton Street and of course to all our readers, and hope that for some at least their resolutions will include that the scales fall from their eyes in 2006.

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The LawsWatch travel advisory II

A commenter has remonstrated with us that yesterday's graphic was just as insulting to the people of Whakatane as the Mayor's original comments. Well, no - we're sure Whakatane people realise it was meant as a good-natured joke, the butt (if you'll excuse the expression) of which was more the Diva than themselves.

But in the interests of balanced reporting, we have discovered that not only do we need to warn Wanganui residents about the likely behaviour of inhabitants of another town, but that we also need to warn the rest of NZ about visitors from Wanganui.

From the Nelson Evening Mail of 27 December:

Driving passion interrupted

Nelson police are taking action against a Wanganui couple for taking the spirit of giving a little too far on Christmas Eve.

Sergeant Shane Miles said the pair were stopped by police on Haven Rd at 2.30am after they were noticed both seated behind the steering wheel of a car - the woman in the man's lap.

Mr Miles said the couple still had their trousers undone but the woman had returned to her own seat when the officer approached the vehicle.

The man was asked why he was driving with the woman on his lap. Before he had time to answer, his passenger replied; "Come on officer, it's Christmas - a time for giving". The amusing reply didn't change the fact that this was an "incredibly stupid and potentially dangerous thing to do", Mr Miles said.

"Unfortunately, police see too many people taking things too far at this time of the year. They think they are having harmless fun but the potential for danger is actually quite high."

A 21-year-old Wanganui man has been charged with careless driving but may not have to appear in court if he pleads guilty by letter. His 20-year-old passenger was fined for not wearing a seatbelt.

The phrase "discussing the Ugandan situation" became a euphemism for having sex with a woman other than one's wife when Private Eye revealed that a married British Cabinet Minister and a young lady had descended the stairs during a party, both looking flushed and dishevelled, and the Minister explained that they had, in fact, been discussing the situation in that African state.

We'd therefore encourage Watchers to start using the term "visitors from Wanganui" to describe anyone caught bonking in public, thus ensuring that LawsWatch makes some sort of worthwhile lasting contribution to the social milleu.

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The LawsWatch travel advisory

As part of our on-going commitment to the safety of Watchers over the holiday season, LawsWatch has decided to follow the example of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and issue our own "travel advisory" for Wanganui residents looking for a week or so of peace and quiet. Coming from an area publicly identified with the Diva is considered to be extremely high risk, and Watchers are advised to plan safer holiday alternatives, such as a farmstay in lovely Chernobyl or perhaps caving in Afghanistan.

Ohope Beach, while highly desirable at this time of year, is obviously an extreme risk. And beware of stopping in at genetically deficient Raetihi for fuel. Any items linking you to Wanganui (LawsWatch daks, for instance) should be removed before entering Christchurch (high risk as the Diva-annointed white trash capital) along with Murupara and Stratford and Dannevirke who have also come in for a slagging.

In fact caution should be exercised when passing through anywhere capable of receiving a television signal, as these areas are probably hostile and dangerous on account of the likes of Celebrity Treasure Island, a Game of Three Losers etc.

Any Watchers finding themselves inadvertently in Whakatane should call the LawsWatch cave to arrange for an immediate airlift.

After calling Whakatane the "trash capital of New Zealand" the Diva bravely refused to be interviewed by the Whakatane Beacon, to front up in the town, or to discuss the matter with local iwi, who famously said they could "see through the mist" that the Diva was talking about Maori and demanded an apology.

It seems, however, that not all residents of Whakatane are busy growing marijuana, collecting benefits, drinking beer and beating their spouses and have in fact found time to pen some fairly articulate rebuttals to the Beacon's letters page. Here's a couple of examples:

Regarding the Beacon front page story about Michael Laws' attack on Whakatane. Michael Laws is a self-opinionated person who couldn't hack it in Parliament. In his talkback programme he cuts off people who don't agree with him and calls them idiots...

Ian Robson

I smile at Michael Laws' derogatory comments about Whakatance. He is only Wanganui's new part-time mayor and it seems that with his radio and peacock appearances he has just not had the time to tour his own fine city to find out just what he is in charge of. If he took the time to enter his city from the north, he would realise that he has got the two towns names mixed up.

Let me explain. As you enter Wanganui from the town boundary to the Aramaho rail bridge then back over to the east town, you will find an area of poorly-maintained state homes and units where I often see police cars. This is the Trash Capital Michael could be referring to...

I'm not knocking Wanganui - I love the place, have many friends anf family living there and spend a lot of time there...

As a ratepayer in both Wanganui and Whakatane, I have some advice for my new Wanganui mayor: Michael, you have bitten off more than you can chew on this one, so for once in your life pull your head in or you will be a one-term mayor.

Richard Valentine

The remainder of Mr Valentine's letter points out some of the other tourist attractions of Mayor Laws' perfect city such as Aramaho, Heads Road and the wharf area... so effectively Whakatane citizens have received their own travel advisory and would now probably rather visit Baghdad than Wanganui. We're sure the local tourist industry will appreciate the Diva's efforts to establish friendly diplomatic relations with other parts of the country. After all, having a high profile mayor is certainly "putting Wanganui on the map". Just for all the wrong reasons.

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A bad case of gas

Watchers, having realised that defending one's opinions whilst wearing a silly paper hat fools not even one's own slow-witted relatives, have been enjoying a well-earned break. Now the last of the festive bunting has been swept from the floor of the cave, we can take a bleary-eyed look back at events of the past few days.

Yes, wasn't Jimmy Barnes absolutely wonderful? Now perhaps the Mayor would care to promote the flagging career of some other pop star with your money. Milli Vanilli perhaps? They'd be a hit amongst diVision councillors, since they simply mouthed the words of someone else. Or Vanilla Ice maybe? His music career fizzled after 9 months, which makes him one of the few people whose 15 minutes of fame were shorter than the Diva's. Last heard of in October 2004, similarly clinging desperately to the notion of "celebrity" by appearing in a reality TV show in the UK called "The Farm", where celebrities have to run a farm. Used to clearing up muck, Vanilla (or is it Mr Ice?) could moonlight as an ancillary Spin Fairy.

And it took till the end of the year for Watchers to find a Councillor Comment with which they could wholeheartedly agree, so silly paper hats off to Councillor Rhandir Dhaya in this week's Midweek, who writes (on the topic of the referendumb and the proposal to abolish the rural ward):

However, heaven forbid, if the ward system is abolished and the mayor and councillors are elected district-wide the results will be more than just interesting. It may well come to pass that some councillors will get more votes than the mayor. Now wouldn't that be a hoot? The cock rooster will become a clucky chook or a bull elephant with small ears!

While we're struggling to avoid certain unpleasantness with the mental images some of those terms conjure when applied to the Diva (given the penchant for lycra shorts, we'd have thought some analogy relating to smuggled budgies more apt, in any case) we can only applaud the first bit of independent Councillor thought to burst into print anywhere all year.

Alas, after over-indulging in festive cheer Watchers have, in common no doubt with many of you, a bad case of gas. Those readers similarly afflicted - particularly if intending to travel overseas for holidays - might consider the "In-Flight Comfort Pillow" pictured above, guaranted to "absorb odour immediately and last for up to 12 months. We guess the precise lifespan depends on just how awful the in-flight catering is).

Alas the gas that's been troubling us is much larger - Wanganui Gas in fact, and the odd war of words that's erupted over it.

Seems the Diva's puppet-of-choice Ron Janes hadn't read the diVision playbook. Newly appointed as Chair of the Wanganui Gas board, he burst into print on December 22 saying the busines was "quite high risk", not the sort of thing ratepayers' money ought to be at risk in, and that at least part of it would inevitably need to be sold off to meet the Council's need for cash".

Perhaps it was the latter part of this admission that caused the backlash that followed. After all, the Diva has stated (and re-stated the day after Janes's comments appeared) that "any decision on the future of Wanganui Gas will be made by the Wanganui District Council and the public of Wanganui" - presumably via yet another ill-informed referendum during which people are asked to choose between various coloured baubles (swimming pools etc) and an option they don't fully understand and about which Council has done nothing to educate them.

Craftily getting into the story the quote that "the finances that this new council has inherited are extremely poor" and just happened to mention that "both the last council and this had made decisions to sell land and property that were not returning a dividend". Quite a masterful piece of spin, really, completely overlooking the fact that it's this Council who, knowing full well the financial mess the district is in, just plunged it into $2.6 million more debt. And hinting that, sadly, more assets might just have to be sold. Wonder what that might include?

Janes clearly wasn't meant to have broken the cosy closed-meeting decision-making practised by the Diva and blabbed the plan in public right before Christmas, thus potentially raining on the parade of Mayoral Mile, Jimmy Barnes etc etc and jeopardising the chances of hand-picked diVision candidate Phillipa Baker-Hogan in the buy-election.

Just in case Ron hadn't got the message, the ever-loyal Muzza Hughes had a slap at him in the Chronicle this morning. Janes's "timing was poor", Muzza said. He even intimated that Ron, once the apple of the Diva's eye, was trying to shaft poor Phillipa, implying that a Vision-controlled council would "sell the family silver". Heavens no. Maybe just the gas heater that keeps poor old granny warm. Then she can sell the silver to pay the gas bill.

Bread and circuses before the vote, Ron, cold hard reality up them after. Try to get it right in future.

Surprisingly, Janes came back with some mist-dispelling points of his own, stating that "the debate is not about the [gas] company, it is about the numerous other demands on the Council". Precisely. Well, sort of - any debate on the sale of Wanganui Gas is about the company, but it's about what the Council wants the money for too.

As they say, we haven't heard the last of this.

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Scratched

Well it seems Morgs Hunter-Bell's flirtation with politics is over as quickly as it began, with his nomination never making it to the Council's electoral officer. A race with so many candidates was more expensive to run than one with three, he said. Though we're not entirely sure how that arithmetic works, we must admit to a pang of regret here in the LawsWatch cave. Morgs is always willing to front up and be accountable even when, since he's not an elected official, he doesn't have to. And his campaign would have been the most entertaining of the race, of that we're sure.

Money is, of course, a significant issue for those considering a run for local office - especially since, unlike in a General Election, candidates can pretty much spend whatever they like. The Diva's oft-repeated preferred option, of having unpaid councillors, only places an ever greater barrier in front of those who work for a living or who, like stay-at-home parents, the unemployed, the disabled or the retired - may be on fixed incomes. But then that's democracy Diva-style.

In sharp contrast to Morgs, Tuffy Churton is one of two late-comers to the Rural Community Board line-up, the other being rural real estate agent Clive Gibbard. Mr Churton, Watchers will remember, displayed a distinct unwillingness to answer questions put to him over the Port of Wanganui issue earlier this year.

Aside from that, the line-up is as per our previous post. All the WDC candidates either have, or will shortly, receive their invitations to participate in the LawsWatch Buy-Election Blog, coming soon to a website near you.

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Armageddon it yet?

While not everyone agrees with our assessment of Ms Baker-Hogan's motives for entering the Buy-Election race, we're not even going to begin to speculate on those of one of the latest entrants, former MP Rana Waitai.

There are few people who know so well the way the Diva plays politics as a former member of the NZ First caucus. In fact even before he was elected, Waitai and the other Maori seat MPs, led by Tau Henare, were awake to the Diva's ways and determined to rid themselves and the caucus of his influence.

At the first caucus meeting following the 1996 election and they walked in to find the Diva seated at the table, expecting to pull the strings. After all, the majority of MPs owed their list placings, and thus their place at that table, to his machinations. People like Deborah Morris, Anne Batten and Robyn McDonald - unknown in the party till their list rank catapauled them into Parliament - knew the bargain they'd struck was to implement the Diva's whim in return for his gerrymandering the party list.

But Waitai, along with Henare, Tu Wyllie, Tuku Morgan and Tuariki Delamere had won their electorate seats and were beholden to no one. Cue the first of many confrontations with Winston Peters, during which the "Tight Five", as they'd later become known, demanded anyone not in the caucus be ejected from caucus meetings. Partly because that played to Peters' innate belief that constituency MPs were a cut above list MPs (an opinion we bet he's busily revising now), they won. The Diva left the meeting and, seeing the Te Reo on the wall, shortly thereafter decided a career writing books might be more to his liking.

While Waitai's association with the "Tight Five" - and in particular some of their more immature antics - damaged his reputation (Russell Brown, somewhat unfairly we think, called him both "dimwitted" and a "dickhead"), Waitai's pre- and post-Parliamentary reputations (as a police district commander and a barrister respectively) have shown him to be a man of some substance.

So what does he think he's doing, seeking a seat at a Council table controlled by the Diva and around which sit a majority of people who are prepared to do as Morris et al did and sing the Diva's tune? It will be interesting to see whether Waitai's pre-NZ First popularity with the blue rinse set - for many of the same reasons they once loved Winston - and with local Maori is enough to get him over the line in a crowded field. If it is, watch for fireworks next year.

Meanwhile, Rural Community Board candidate Greg Cox may be the best qualified yet. His business skills equip him to deal with the Diva's financial trainwreck and he's a muffler and exhaust specialist, which, considering the Diva needs muffling but it's a somewhat exhausting task, equips him perfectly.

His rival Alan Taylor, standing on the Vision ticket, is up there with Bob Walker in his mastery of the diVision policies of abusing doubters and sucking up to the Diva. And he actually managed to achieve last in the rural ward election behind the stellar line up of McGregor and Stevens - and even placed below Higgie.

So there's nine in the race for Council, an interesting field about which we'll have more to say later. They are (in no particular order):

• Rana Waitai
• Margaret Campion
• Bren Sinclair
• Philippa Baker-Hogan (Vision)
• Chandra Osborne
• Heather Marion Smith
• Mark Simmonds
• Allan Anderson
• Morgan Hunter-Bell

And now that nominations have closed, let us say we agree wholeheartedly with the Diva on one thing. The candidates - all of them - deserve praise for putting their names forward and thus ensuring that democracy flourishes. Throughout the lead-up to today, however, he's made his desperation for an "arts candidate" obvious. Wanganui needs an "arts candidate" like it needs a "sports candidate" or a "business candidate" - in other words, not at all. Councillors are elected to represent us all, and the ideal Councillor should have a broad range of interests and an ability to fairly balance competing needs.

We'd point out yet again that LawsWatch, for its part, isn't run by artists. True some Watchers are artists, but some are culturally ignorant philistines and damn proud of it. Others merely stroll around the occasional gallery and, like most people, don't know much about art but know what we like. Much as he and his two subsidised staff try to make this about art, or the Sarjeant, or any other mist they can generate on the day, it's about Michael Laws and his performance as Mayor, and the performance of those who support and oppose him in elected and politically appointed office.

For instance, the whiff of hypocrisy in his remarks - the latest being his letter to the editor in the Chron - praising those who would stand for election as showing "real community spirit and personal enterprise".

This from the man who has spent the last year slagging off anyone who gets involved with local government (including several Sunday Star-Times columns and most recently at the Federated Farmers dump) now turn round and tell the world they're imbued with "a mix of courage and passion - and those are exactlythe qualities that council is looking for".

Local government entices fringe activists, conspiracy theorists, the unrequited ambitious and busybodies like no other aspect of human endeavour. Knew that before I stood for mayor, and haven't been disappointed. Which explains a number of things;

1. The 'gliding on' mentality that pervades local govt bureaucracy
2. A disincentive for the intelligent and able to stand for office

Of course none of this may matter if another letter writer is correct. Denis Anderson seems to be implying we're all about to be hit by a comet hurtling towards earth. Sounds to us like the scriptwriter of Armageddon was remarkably prescient. Or that the editor will publish any mad rant on his letters page. But that can't be right - Anderson's prediction is right next to a letter from the Diva.

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