A bad case of gas

Watchers, having realised that defending one's opinions whilst wearing a silly paper hat fools not even one's own slow-witted relatives, have been enjoying a well-earned break. Now the last of the festive bunting has been swept from the floor of the cave, we can take a bleary-eyed look back at events of the past few days.

Yes, wasn't Jimmy Barnes absolutely wonderful? Now perhaps the Mayor would care to promote the flagging career of some other pop star with your money. Milli Vanilli perhaps? They'd be a hit amongst diVision councillors, since they simply mouthed the words of someone else. Or Vanilla Ice maybe? His music career fizzled after 9 months, which makes him one of the few people whose 15 minutes of fame were shorter than the Diva's. Last heard of in October 2004, similarly clinging desperately to the notion of "celebrity" by appearing in a reality TV show in the UK called "The Farm", where celebrities have to run a farm. Used to clearing up muck, Vanilla (or is it Mr Ice?) could moonlight as an ancillary Spin Fairy.

And it took till the end of the year for Watchers to find a Councillor Comment with which they could wholeheartedly agree, so silly paper hats off to Councillor Rhandir Dhaya in this week's Midweek, who writes (on the topic of the referendumb and the proposal to abolish the rural ward):

However, heaven forbid, if the ward system is abolished and the mayor and councillors are elected district-wide the results will be more than just interesting. It may well come to pass that some councillors will get more votes than the mayor. Now wouldn't that be a hoot? The cock rooster will become a clucky chook or a bull elephant with small ears!

While we're struggling to avoid certain unpleasantness with the mental images some of those terms conjure when applied to the Diva (given the penchant for lycra shorts, we'd have thought some analogy relating to smuggled budgies more apt, in any case) we can only applaud the first bit of independent Councillor thought to burst into print anywhere all year.

Alas, after over-indulging in festive cheer Watchers have, in common no doubt with many of you, a bad case of gas. Those readers similarly afflicted - particularly if intending to travel overseas for holidays - might consider the "In-Flight Comfort Pillow" pictured above, guaranted to "absorb odour immediately and last for up to 12 months. We guess the precise lifespan depends on just how awful the in-flight catering is).

Alas the gas that's been troubling us is much larger - Wanganui Gas in fact, and the odd war of words that's erupted over it.

Seems the Diva's puppet-of-choice Ron Janes hadn't read the diVision playbook. Newly appointed as Chair of the Wanganui Gas board, he burst into print on December 22 saying the busines was "quite high risk", not the sort of thing ratepayers' money ought to be at risk in, and that at least part of it would inevitably need to be sold off to meet the Council's need for cash".

Perhaps it was the latter part of this admission that caused the backlash that followed. After all, the Diva has stated (and re-stated the day after Janes's comments appeared) that "any decision on the future of Wanganui Gas will be made by the Wanganui District Council and the public of Wanganui" - presumably via yet another ill-informed referendum during which people are asked to choose between various coloured baubles (swimming pools etc) and an option they don't fully understand and about which Council has done nothing to educate them.

Craftily getting into the story the quote that "the finances that this new council has inherited are extremely poor" and just happened to mention that "both the last council and this had made decisions to sell land and property that were not returning a dividend". Quite a masterful piece of spin, really, completely overlooking the fact that it's this Council who, knowing full well the financial mess the district is in, just plunged it into $2.6 million more debt. And hinting that, sadly, more assets might just have to be sold. Wonder what that might include?

Janes clearly wasn't meant to have broken the cosy closed-meeting decision-making practised by the Diva and blabbed the plan in public right before Christmas, thus potentially raining on the parade of Mayoral Mile, Jimmy Barnes etc etc and jeopardising the chances of hand-picked diVision candidate Phillipa Baker-Hogan in the buy-election.

Just in case Ron hadn't got the message, the ever-loyal Muzza Hughes had a slap at him in the Chronicle this morning. Janes's "timing was poor", Muzza said. He even intimated that Ron, once the apple of the Diva's eye, was trying to shaft poor Phillipa, implying that a Vision-controlled council would "sell the family silver". Heavens no. Maybe just the gas heater that keeps poor old granny warm. Then she can sell the silver to pay the gas bill.

Bread and circuses before the vote, Ron, cold hard reality up them after. Try to get it right in future.

Surprisingly, Janes came back with some mist-dispelling points of his own, stating that "the debate is not about the [gas] company, it is about the numerous other demands on the Council". Precisely. Well, sort of - any debate on the sale of Wanganui Gas is about the company, but it's about what the Council wants the money for too.

As they say, we haven't heard the last of this.

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