Ball trouble

There's nothing we like better at the LawsWatch cave on an idle Sunday afternoon than a bit of crystal ball gazing (Well there is, but we seem to have misplaced the corkscrew momentarily...)

The latest bout of gypsy-like speculation was prompted by this comment to a previous post:

Anonymous said...
LawsWatch wrote -
Someone from diVision perhaps (the Diva's frantically working down the alphabetical list, hoping to find someone willing to be associated with him. Zebedee is unfortunately committed to another series of the Magic Roundabout. Zorro, meanwhile, has switched off his mobile.)
Yes, 'B' is a long way down isn't it?

At first we assumed that perhaps this meant the Diva kept his Rolodex in alphabetical order of first names, and was busily coaching Bob Walker on how best to stand for diVision - that is, say nothing for the entire campaign and be sure to quickly wipe away any flecks of foam that might appear at the corners of his mouth.

But could this be a hint of something much more spectacular? Since it's Sunday, let's give skepticism the day off as we postuate this scenario:

• After it was well reported on LawsWatch weeks ago, Mayorless Leonie Brookhammer's Diva-like spray against Horizons suddenly gains a spot in yesterday's Chron. "Predicting (of fellow Councillors and Horizons staff "they will seek to shut me down", the piece concludes by quoting her as saying "Doing myself out of a job? absolutely." Of course that's in the context of a long-term plan to disestablish Horizons, but read on...
• In an unusual (for the Chron) move, Cr Brookhammer's claims were extensively rebutted in the same issue, described as "absolute rubbish" by Horizons chair Garry Murfitt, who said he was "bitterly disappointed" that a Councillor would go public in the way that she had. The fact that - as LawsWatch claimed in our original story - her attendance was less than stellar was also revealed - 65 percent versus the overall attendance ofas 91 percent, with councillors even manging close to 100 percent.
• Meanwhile, back at the District Council, the Diva is reputedly having considerable difficulty finding someone willing to stand fo diVision in the forthcoming by-election. And with nominations due to close this coming Friday, perhaps things are getting desperate...
• So perhaps having reached the end of the alphabet he’s started again at the beginning and stopped at B (as our anonymous informant suggests) for Brookhammer...

So, can this be the start of the mayorless’s buy-election campaign? This stranger-than-fiction tale cobbled together from scraps of mayoral memos found in the Porritt St rubbish collection concludes something like this:

Memo: Bob
From: Michael
Re: Leo for Vision candidate?

Let’s get Leo on board the sinking ship. I’ll write her speeches and press releases and we’ll start off by putting the boot into Horizons.

To do list:

1. Put the squeeze on Mas to run Leo’s (my) Horizons dump.
2. Build up profile of sporty chick/young mum profile since the rower’s jumped ship:


1. Spin Fairy to arrange to get her pic in the Comical biking down the hill.
2. Press release from me about quaint little domestic moments like the fact she once did a bit of stroking for Honkers.
3. Get the Chron to photograph her on the track at Cooks - also good rap for mayoral mile. (We’ll have to just hope the cops don’t talk too much about her discus throwing practice).


3. Build up young mum/family values profile: Make sure little Lucy’s birthday gets saturation coverage to rival that other minor Christmas birth back-story.
   
4. Policy:
   
   This is easy: she’ll be giving her councillor stipend away to lots of good causes, of course. Beyond that we don't really need a policy, as I've proven beyond a doubt.
   
5. How to handle her abysmal attendance record at Horizons?
   
   Simple. If she’s going to go to bugger-all meetings she might as well go to bugger-all meetings closer to home. We'll sell it as evidence of her commitment to saving the mugs' money.

Then again, much like Mickey admitted in last week's Sunday Star Times column about his own equipment, it might just be that our balls are malfunctioning...

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