Queen for a Daze

The breathlessly touted WangaVegas premiere of Vincent Ward’s trouble plagued flick Drama Queen is looking increasingly like a bad bet for the Diva and Dotty.

The headline in today's paper, "Council begs for premiere funds", which will probably be picked up on the news wires, is not a good look for Wanganui. The Chron and DominionPost have already pointed out that a key early review in Hollywood Reporter is less than fulsome.

What's missing from Sean's story, in which Dotty reiterates the Council's "commitment" to spending $150,000 of our money on this particular bunfight, is that once a upon a time the Diva had insisted that not a cent would be spent without his having first sighted a report demonstrating adequate commercial spin-offs.

Well certainly the signwriting industry will be getting a boost. "As people enter Wanganui they'll be greeted with signs saying 'You are now entering River Queen country'. It's very exciting," gushes Dotty. We trust there'll be a small-print explanation for those unfamiliar with WangaVegas's brief moment of fame, lest unwary motorists fear being flagged down by battalions of damp female impersonators.

And why is some outfit called Verve organising the event when the city employs (and pays handsomely) an events officer? What can be keeping Ms Lees so busy that she hasn't the time to organise what the Deputy Mayor thinks is the biggest knees-up WangaVegas has ever seen?

Obviously, a desperate dose of spin and distraction is called for and an undercover Laws Watcher has found, carelessly discarded in the mayoral dunny at 101 Guyton St, a proof copy of Women-in-a-Daze featuring an exclusive interview with the Diva.

IT’S YOUR DAZE
WOMEN IN A DAZE

MICHAEL LAWS tells Women-in-a-Daze exclusively how Life on Trash Island made him a better man.

Women-in-a-Daze has been granted an exclusive preview of a full-length StupidStars of Trash Island feature put together by Wanganui’s maverick mayor Michael Laws.

The film, which contains gorgeous out-takes from Michael’s wonderful time on Trash Island with his fabulous fellow stupid stars, will have its world premiere at Committee Room 2 in Wanganui on January 23, the day before the screening of "some irrelevant movie starring some people, none of whom are me," Michael explained. "I expect this to be a much bigger event, and have negotiated an exclusive coverage deal with the River City Press in return for their printing this entirely independent review prepared beforehand by my Spin Fairy. Oh, and for providing the sausage rolls and L&P."

His winsome Worship explained that he'd done away with the hors d'oeuvres and champagne for the same reason he trashed the idea of giving native saplings to new citizens and instead gave them All Black scarves: "It's more kiwi, somehow. Went down a treat, though I really must find out what 'Vous, monsieur, êtes un imbécile complet' means. Some sheila muttered that as I slung her a scarf. A vote of thanks, I'm sure."

Michael said he was moved to arrange the screening to help assuage the disappointment suffered by his loyal subjects when Toronto snatched the River Queen premiere from Deputy Dot’s grasp and those Hollywood types pronounced the flick a River Dog.

"I just couldn’t stand by and see my people so upset," he told Women-in-a-Daze, his lovely fiancee by his side and a smelly nappy in hand. "And anyway, Leo, the love of my life, had already bought a slinky black little number for the River Queen do and she was giving me such a hard time about not being able to walk down the red carpet in it," Michael laughed.

"Some single-issue nutters complained that because I was sent off StupidStars of Trash Island after only a couple of episodes, I didn’t deliver on my promise to really put Wanganui on the map. Little did they know how hard I worked to make a complete plonker of myself, or how upset I was that all that wonderful footage ended up on the cutting room floor."

Now, all will be revealed in this exciting new feature film and Michael says he fully expects that Committee Room 2 will be filled to capacity with all his fans and friends to see what really happened. "Bog Walker has said he'll be bringing all his friends," Michael gushed, a momentary cloud of doubt crossing his face. "Though I'm not sure the advertising manager at the RCP and letters page editor at the Chron have actually said whether they're coming or not".

He even shared with Women-in-a-Daze some of his favourite moments that didn’t make it into the TV show:

• "The time Brent Todd stole Louise Wallace’s Athlete’s Foot powder and we snuck off and snorted it on the beach would have to be a real highlight," laughs Michael. "My sinuses have never felt less fungal".
• "Oh, and I shouldn’t really mention this, but I was caught on camera showing my sensitive feminine side and crying buckets when I discovered my 3-ply toilet paper had been thrown off the raft. Later someone told me I'd had a lucky escape, because they'd told Toddy to 'throw that useless pile of **** off the raft' right after he'd taken his medication, and he'd made a mistake. Though what else they could have been referring to I don't know".
• "Then there was the time when Pieta and I were snuggled up in her sleeping bag telling each other how much we loved our partners. That’s one of Leo’s favourite bits, she just can't stop talking about that."

Suddenly Michael put his finger to his lips. "That’s all I’m going to say, now," he whispered. "I don’t want to spoil all the excitement."

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