Pianos above, squirrels below

The Diva's speech notes from Council's weekend retreat - despite their sparse, bullet-point form - give an insight into his thinking. For those not familiar with the peculiar mix of half-formed ideas (some of which aren't too bad, if only he'd resist the temptation to abuse both people and process in trying to get them implemented) brewed in a soup of vitriol, rant and cant, the following may be considered instructional.

Like a class of university undergrads attempting a post-modernist deconstruction of an obscure text, let's go through some of the highlights (or lowlights, if you'd prefer) of the Diva's thinking.

After characterising Wanganui as amongst the "lesser rank of provincial cities" he then goes on to list the problems facing the district, all of which seem eminently sensible, at least from the perspective of the LawsWatch cave.

It's to be hoped that some of his more... errr... robust followers weren't present to hear the next bit, though, as it appears from many of the comments sprayed round here from time-to-time that the merest whiff of socialism is enough to have at least some of the Lawsmob baying for blood:

Need to reject the hands-off, the market-will-determine model (a recipe for further decline/disintegration)

Then we're treated to an insight into Wanganui BD (Before Diva):

• Dreadful market failure in terms of promotions/events
• Can’t rely on volunteers to pick up pieces (aging/skills)

So those people who've organised events in the past, hang your heads in shame. You failed to live up to Mickey's exacting standards. And you volunteers - you decrepit, unskilled bunch of yobbos, be off with you!

Prioritise (development/amenities) & publicly explain

Explanations! After a year of being treated like the proverbial mushrooms, we're sure Wanganui will be looking forward to those. Next up for careful consideration is Council itself:

End of 'Gliding On' staff mentality

Yes, we've noticed the outbreak of woolly cardies and grey zip-up shoes at Guyton Street. Time to lift your act, people! Lycra bike pants will be handed out at reception, and an annual award will be given to the staff member who does the best impression of a squirrel stuffing away it's nuts. Female staff members will be issued with a squirrel on request. We're sure that staff will be highly motivated by being publicly compared to characters created purely for their comedic value, designed to be gently mocked.

Flatter management structure

With, no doubt, the Diva at the top, micro-managing every aspect of operations, senior staff flattened beneath him (watch out for falling pianos, Dr Warburton) and Council staff the foundations upon which this teetering pygmy pyramid rests.

Monthly all-in meetings between councillors & senior management

If in doubt, hold more meetings we've always said. Not a bad idea though, depending on who'll be doing the talking (ranting, raving, posturing...)

Councillors taking individual responsibility for issues/areas

Oh yes, it's working so well for Nickie Higgie, for instance. Power without responsibility for the Diva (there's always spin and the Lawsmob to save him) and responsibility without power for everyone else.

• Involve community in decision-making (not just Comm Outcomes 2003)
• Let community take ownership of choices & priorities- "community" is not lobby/interest groups

Debate has already commenced on the latter pronouncement, we note. Leaving aside the obvious fact that interest groups are a vital part of a healthy, vibrant community, and that their "interest" is what motivates them to give freely of their time to whatever community activity they feel passionate about; and even leaving aside for the moment the "divide and rule" mentality this conveys, let alone the contempt for passion, the democratic process, the activities represented by such interest groups etc etc... just how does a community "take ownership" of choices in Wanganui PD (post-Diva)?

We suspect the answer from Guyton Street would be... well, unprintable... but roughly translated read "with their shiny new referenda". So no need to engage, no need to discuss, no requirement even to even become informed, just relax, focus on the spinning press release, and tick the little boxes we tell you to tick...

Then we move on to more pragmatic matters - police numbers / River Road / Health etc - till, buried near the end, this piece of logic:

Splash/Riverfront/Footpaths – priorities interesting (not Sarjeant/art)

That's right people, it's footpaths or art - you can't have both. Curse these artists and their raucous insistence we have a duty to preserve gifted art, their elitism is damning us to walking on unpaved kerbs!

That the best cities in the world have art galleries and footpaths (and swimming pools and a vibrant waterfront) doesn't matter when there's a chance to divide and conquer and call it prioritising. After all, faced with a choice of footpaths or art, who wouldn't opt for the former?

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