We're reminded by various commenters that Council sets policies. Thanks to a Watcher for this document, which may be a flight of fancy. Then again, it may not.
FROM THE OFFICE OF THE MAYOR:
New accessioning policies for council-controlled organisations.
1. Library
- Purchase 5000 copies each of Demon Profession and Dancing with Beezlebub.
- Display the Vision party policy in the entrance in a manner similar to that used by Te Papa to display the Treaty of Waitangi.
- Hang a flattering portrait of Wanganui's Greatest Leader* in a prominent position.
*Note: This does not mean Chas Poynter. Any staff member who does not know what it does mean should resign immediately, before I get to them. Entirely voluntarily, of course.
2. Sarjeant Gallery
- Sell all art on a list to be provided by the mayor and immediately deposit the proceeds in an account titled "Splash Centre and other mayoral projects"*.
- Display only artworks suitable for telephone book covers.
- Display the Vision party policy in the entrance in a manner similar to that used by Te Papa to display the Treaty of Waitangi.
- Hang a flattering portrait of Wanganui's Greatest Leader (see above) in a prominent position.
- Commission a sculpture of Wanganui's Greatest Leader (see above) for the foyer. (Note: The previously submitted model, with a plasticine mould of my head atop a garden fountain of "little boy peeing" with a relief map of Wanganui as it's base, is not acceptable. If I find out who did it, another voluntary resignation is on the way).
* Note: If I hear the words "pork" and "barrel" used again in relation to these vital and worthy community projects, picked entirely on my whim, there'll be voluntary resignations from morning till night, I swear.
3. Museum
- Sell anything that can be sold and immediately deposit the proceeds in an account titled "Splash Centre and other mayoral projects".
- Display the Vision party policy in the entrance in a manner similar to that used by Te Papa to display the Treaty of Waitangi.
- Mount a display of Wanganui's true treasures. My school photos. My baby photos. That x-ray from the time they thought I might have hurt my knee. A lock of my hair (make sure it's not from the days when I sported an afro, the curliness may lead to unwarranted speculation as to it's anatomical provenance). That mirror frame I made from the corks of all the bottles of Pinot Winston and I shared (on second thoughts, earmark that for the Sarjeant).
- Hang flattering portraits of Wanganui's Greatest Leader and Wanganui's Greatest Deputy Leader (that's Dotty, for you peasants. But do try not to capture that permanently bewildered expression) in a prominent position.
4. Civic Halls
- Sell them all and immediately deposit the proceeds in an account titled "Splash Centre and other mayoral projects".
- Announce exciting new policy initiative: "Open air concerts. And meetings. And bingo." Tell the scouts and guides to suck it up - they're meant to be learning survival skills, aren't they? Meeting outside in a Wanganui winter will sure teach them that.
5. Sports grounds
- Sell them all except Springvale and immediately deposit the proceeds in an account titled "Splash Centre and other mayoral projects".
- All Springvale fields and swimming pools to have portraits of Wanganui's Greatest Leader painted prominently on the turf or pool bottom.
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10 comments:
You forgot the Norm Hewitt book, LawsWatch. I'm sure the library needs a few thousand copies of that, too.
And the 3 - ply
And Sally should be getting in early and placing a H-U-G-E order for Colin Whitlock's tell-all.
Very funny, thanks LW.
This mayor has sold more books than all you losers, combined, have read. Oh dammit - another successful career he's had that you losers on the arts (welfare) benefit haven't.
Yeah I'd like to write Laws' best-sellers and get the royalties but I guess that's why he doesn't take the mayoral salary.
Laws' best-sellers
Oh really? Amazon.com sales: none.
Passed in without a bid ina no reserve auction on Trade Me.
Ahhh, to enjoy such success...
Copies of the classics are also traded for such on TradeMe. The question is were they commercially successful when published LawsWatch and according to previous threads and booksellers they reached No3, No10 and No1 respectively on the bestsellers lists in the days when they combined both NZ and international titles. So don't be jealous, LW.
Also I see that he had three editions of Demon Profession published and five of Gladiator.
...losers on the arts (welfare) benefit...
I know, anonymous is full of shit, but just as a matter of interest, does anybody know anyone who actually claims the "artists dole"? I know plenty of young artists who you might think would be, but they all seem to work in cafes.
I certainly won't be entering the mayoral mile. For one thing, I don't think you'd appreciate my brand of athleticism; as a martial artist I love full contact races :)
It's a pity more of the Wanganui electorate hadn't read "Dancing...", since Michael's hatred of Wanganui is displayed for all to see therein.
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