So I says to him, I says...
Mr Maslin's withered organ is good for something, even if it's only producing interesting photographs which LawsWatchers can have a go at captioning. Here's Kevin Ross and David Warburton having a cosy chat.
We have some good limericists amongst us (even some Laws Mobbers have shown there's a poetic heart somewhere beneath the savage breast) so let's see just what you think these two may have been saying to one another...
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28 comments:
Kevin Ross: Re-apply for my job? But I've only just got it!
Dr. Warburton: What is it you do again Kevin?
Now listen up Dave
We’ve a city to save
The mayor’s gone mad
And Dotty’s all bad
We’re gonna have to be brave
KR: Luke, I am your father
DW: Noooooooo!
KR: So far it's mainly been office equipment, fax machines, computers, that sort of thing...
DW: And how much did you say the repair bill is so far?
What’s that you say?
What’s the LGA?
Mickey says stuff it
And who gives a shit
Let’s just run things his way
DW: What am I supposed to do with all those invoices on Colin's desk?
KR: Just get them recycled into 3-ply toileet paper for the mayor's dunny.
DW: Kevin, I want you to get the combination lock to mahogany row changed right away.
KR: Only if I can tell the mayor the new one.
KR: ..and we call that a "conflict of interest."
DW: Fascinating. And you say people actually get away with that sort of thing here?
Down at Land Meats I was good with the knife
So good that they made me butcher for life
Then Michael said Dave, that lot
Need the chop
So I’m here for some trouble and strife
KR: ...so it's really important not to upset him on Tuesday's.
DW: ...I had no idea, the poor man...
DW: And what should I say when the Auditor-General calls, Kev?
KR: Oh, Michael says to just give him the upraised digit, Dave.
DW: Now Kevin, I've talked to the head of IT and asked him to make Laws Watch the home page for all users on the WDC network.
KR: Gosh, I don't know what Michael will say about that. We're too frightened to admit that we all read Laws Watch when we're taken down into the basement for interogation.
Lawswatch: Fresh meat!
Anons: Great fetch the knives!
KR First things first Dave,training for the Mayor and Councillors , God knows they need it!
I hear the Whanganui Community Trust is running Good Governance training,then maybe a Treaty of Waitangi workshop, followed by some work from LGNZ on effective and honest community consultation.
DW Good one Kevin, that will keep them out of my way for awhile and we can begin sorting out this chaos.
KR: Well Dave, after six months here you may only have about as much hair as me.
Dave: Is that for real Kevin!! "Buggar"
KR: For sure Dave.
DW; Well I needed a flash new car and I thought why the hell should I pay for it, I pay enough rates already. Then Bruce had this brainwave. Of course he needed a new Jetski so we put him on WINC.
Do you think they know we're not wearing pants?
KR: Well Dave you are the "Boss" and I am 2nd in charge. Wonder if Michael realises that? Should we remind him of that?
DW: We should wait until the 1st of Nov, it's official then.
KR: Maybe the 5th Nov would be a better date to tell him and we could combine it with the Display at Cooks Gardens.
DW: What a great idea Kevin you are going to be a great 2 IC.
KR: So, is it true that your contract says you've got to run the mayoral mile, and let him beat you? MIne does.
DW: No, I've just got to sign off the bills, Kev.
KR: But -- I thought that was coming out of his salary.
DW: Ahh, Kevvie boy. That's a whole 'nother story. Remind me to tell you about it when you've grown up.
KR: Heck, Dave. There's someone here from the Chronicle to interview you. What are you going to say?
DW: Don't worry, Kevin, me old china. Michael gave me a script put together by the spin fairy. John loves that sort of stuff.
KR: So, what's going to happen to Colin's book, do you thin?
DW: Oh, I think we'll reassign that job to the mayoress, eh. That keeps it all in the family and Michael's Daftius press can publish it.
KR: Jeez, Dave, I hope that LawsWatch lot don't poke cruel jibes at us for having our piccie taken in the mayoral chamber.
DW: Don't worry, my boy. Michael keeps a close eye on that blog and he'll be in there like a shot, chucking abuse at anyone he can think of. That'll show the buggers.
DW: Hey Kevin, I heard a neat joke down in IT today.
KR: Oh, I do love your jokes, Dr Warburnton. Tell me, tell me, pleease.
DW: Okay. How can you tell when the mayor is lying?
KR: Um errrr ohhhh, damn. Sorry, Dr Warburton, I don't know that one.
DW: Oh all right, Kevin. It's when he opens his mouth.
KER: Hee hee haa haa. Thanks, wait till I tell them that one in the consents department.
R(onnie)W: And it's goodnight from me.
R(onnnie)R: And it's gone by lunctime from me.
KR: Is it true that Michael has applied for Judy Bailey's job?
DW: I hope not. She might be teh Mother of the Nation, but he'd be the Mother of all Fuckups, Kev.
If this the level of humour in wanganui, please stay there. Wouldn't want you infecting the rest of the country.
The original for that joke goes like this:
Q. How can you tell when [insert name] is lying?
A. His lips move.
Old man say: snappier punchline make better delivery.
KR: Dave have you read any of Miss Lush's new book on erotica?
DW: Yes, loved it Kev, especially the chapter with dealing with small pricks.
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