Welcome to the LawsWatch Fantasy League
Computer games have been like human catnip to a section of the population, dating back to the days when a small white square bouncing off two white rectangles (with the unfortunate name of Pong, we seem to recall) fascinated some of us.
But the blip blip blipping of Pong looks positively compelling next to Fantasy Football. Rather than the action-packed Playstation style of game, which at least might get the blood pumping through those chip-grease lined arteries, Fantasy Football devotees spend their time "automatically downloading statistics and calculating leagues game results... In one single step, you can create more than 20 reports that can be uploaded to a web site, e-mailed, or printed without any user intervention!"
If you sit watching statistics being calculated and then spam your friends (not that you're likely to have any) with them for enjoyment, what kind of sad life must you be living? Why, the kind that brings you to LawsWatch, of course!
So, sports fans, welcome to the LawsWatch Fantasy League, where you get to pick the new CEO from absolutely anyone. Since Council aren't telling who's up for the CEO's job, let's resort to what some anonymous commenters do best - spreading disinformation a.k.a. "gratuitous recreational trouble".
Who'd be the perfect pick to work with the Diva? Here's some nominations to get you started:
Jeffrey Dahmer. Yes, best known as a serial killer who ate people, but Dahmer has many fine qualities that recommend him as the Diva's right hand man (just don't leave the hand lying around near anything sharp). For a start, lots of people spread nasty rumours about Jeffrey, which hurt his feelings dreadfully. No one realised what a nice chap he was, underneath all that dismembering. Much misunderstood, so likely to identify with his new boss. And while Michael shared his sleeping bag with a young TV bimbette, Jeffrey shared a sleeping bag with a shop mannequin, so they have a lot in common there, too. And while the Diva has a lot of trouble digesting the points made by his opponents, Jeffrey would have no trouble at all digesting the opponents themselves.
Gunderic, leader of the Vandals. The Diva is always complaining how busy he is - why, just recently he told us all he couldn't even manage to join the family for a holiday on the Gold Coast. Gunderic could make sure Nicki Higgie was implementing Michael's plan for the Sarjeant, thus freeing him for the serious tasks of civic leadership, like getting made up at Sky TV. And Gunderic's clearly on Michael's wavelength when it comes to civic leadership: "Gratuitous cruelty was only one symptom of the Vandals’ swift degeneration", we're told.
Matthew Hopkins. The self-appointed Witchfinder General could lead the Diva's relentless quest to uncover the Laws Watchers, hundreds of whom are hiding throughout Wanganui cunningly disguised as ordinary people. No need for a ducking stool - if mention of the Diva evokes barely suppressed sniggers, it's time to stoke that bonfire of "surplus" Sarjeant artworks and toast another heretic (and we don't mean with Pinot Gris). And Hopkins seems to emulate the Diva's tactics when it comes to handling diVision team members who step out of line. Under Hopkins, "hanging was mandatory for the first offence".
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38 comments:
Love this, LawsWatch. Michael was right, this blog is a laugh a minute.
What about Marshal Philippe Pétain.
Or Wolf Mitler.
Neville Chamberlain?
No, the Divas pick would surely be "Sooty", the hand puppet.
John Martin. He'll do as he's told.
I'd like to nominate Donna Awatere- Huata. Impeccable rightwing credentials, great hairdo ... oh that's right, she's otherwise engaged right now.
How about Clayton Crowe, Michael's role model? Seem to remember he also came to WangaVegas and flogged off his snake oil to a gullible public.
Come back, Clayton, all is forgiven. We'll even make you CEO.
No, no, no. I'm sure ML would like yet another fairy but really, he would prefer to save the ratepayers' money by combining the CEO and Events jobs.
His events fairy is obviously not being stretched or challenged enough, because after only a couple of months at the Guyton St she has the job so well in hand that she was able to pop off to the Gold Coast to top up her tan.
So like her multi-tasking full-time mayor boss, surely she could handle both jobs and still have time for the odd getaway.
Seriously (just for a moment) it's a real shame that a mundane (if important) task such as the choice of a new CEO should be marred by the divisive spin that follows Laws around.
This town could really suffer if they get this wrong.
Yes, I agree. Laws will be lucky to last the three years but I think the CEO contract will be for five years and even then it will no doubt take a golden handshake to get rid of anyone tainted with the mark of michael.
That's the real danger (assuming the appointment process so far is really above board and it's not someone from within that he has been grooming, that anyone who's seen to have been advancing the interests of such an incompetent and dangerous regime will just have zilch credibility in the wider local and national government sector.
And of course it has to be someone who staff will trust to stand between them and the mayor, or they'll just keep voting with their feet.
As in, whoever it is will have to insist that the combination to the staff area door is changed and is NOT handed to the Diva or any of his fairies.
You think anyone is going to have any credibility as CEO after being interviewed and appointed by this council? Someone who "staff will trust"? You jest.
William Pearce says Council caused the problems at the Port. From the report, he's right. Michael Laws says that this cannot be left to the private sector and only council can sort it out. But if the problem is Colin Whitlock, Michael Laws is talking shit. Again.
To determine the facts this time did Mr Pearce consult his crytals or the entrails of a chicken?
It sounds like another load of biomass to me. After a load of voracious debate in this blog, ML will still come out smelling like roses, while the various Anons will have to concede defeat.
So, WDC is going to play hostess to its fellow local authorities next. Sharon Dell's going to be talking museums while Sally Patrick talks libraries. That leaves Dotty, one assumes to talk about how a council can nuke an iconic and successful regional art gallery. Go Dotty, the auditor general's people will be listening.
You people talk some crap - I assume its therapeutic after being mauled by the mayor and the media.
Laws will definitely see out his 3 years just to piss you off (& provide entertainment for the rest of us) while the Port proves Laws (& Pearce) right and that is that all that went before Year Zero was dross and wasteage of ratepayers money. As for the Sarjeant - make a nice boutque hotel with lovely wall hangings.
Who gets up at 6.33am in the morning, reads their Chron & then has such a sad life they have to post to this blog? Ray baby, is that you?
Whoever is the new CEO, you can bet on one thing. It will be Michael Laws' handpicked choice.
Looks like the last few councils were corrupt as hell and now we're got another one, but with more power to 'spin' the general Joe Blogs into believing otherwise! Poor old Wanganui.
Corrupt? No, incompetent.
Whatever your view of Laws, he is cleaning the place up & the old boys (& girls) are heading for the hills.
Interesting that Pam Williams was
at the heart of Ocean Terminals (OTL) and was on the Cooks Gardens Trust Board. Laws won't have been too upset with that audit report - it gives him the opportunity to pot the Williams and Poynters again.
Wasn't Pam a Sarjeant extension supporter too?
Unfortunately, it will be the new boys and girls heading out of town at this rate. All the people I talk to from the big cities think he's a dick head, making this town look crap.
Why can't Laws use his talent for the good of Wanganui? He's manage to piss-off so many people , from the beach, to the inner city cafe groupies, right up River road and beyond.
Time to look back in wonder at the dusty archives of the Chron (reposted from the Front Page thread).
Can't wait to see the chapter in ColinMichael's forthcoming book titled "My fabulous contribution to Wanganui port"
(Chron Feb 7 2005)
He (Colin) has agreed to a request from Mayor Michael Laws to head a project to research and write a history of local government in Wanganui.
And who would dare disagree with Michael when he breathlessly gushed to Mary Bryan, no less:
Mr Laws said Mr Whitlock had "rendered the most extraordinary service to both the council and the Wanganui community".
"He has been the rock upon which any number of political administrations have relied. I doubt his record will ever be rivalled, let alone repeated.
As to the project Mr Whitlock will head on his retirement, Mr Laws said ... Colin is just the man to head that project.
You're projecting, anon. He's pissed off the arties & the old boys network who didn't vote for him. He doesn't need them to get re-elected and there's wide resentment agst them from the rest of Wanganui. He used the Code fuss against them too.
What option did Laws have really with the CEO? Whitlock's contract was renewed by the last council & expires end of 2005. He went for the incompetents under Whitlock like Foster and got rid of them and now the council will select a new CEO with, according to the mayor at the public meeting I attended, "a mandate to change the council's culture".
Agreed. It will be the new chief executive's job description that this council will write that is going to be much more influential.
I don't buy all this Laws/anti-Laws stuff - I'll judge on outcomes like most of my peers - and on outcomes so far this council has a positive record. It is certainly a much more open administration than Wanganui is used to.
"He has been the rock upon which any number of political administrations have relied."
Oops, wrong again, Michael. Sounds more like Colin's the rock on which any number of political administrations and port schemes have foundered.
Anyway, all this port stuff should make it easier to spin the blame onto him when the auditor general comes to town to take a close look at how you've been running the show in Year 1.
Anon said
I don't buy into all this Laws /anti-Laws stuff - I'll judge on outcomes like most of my peers - and on outcomes so far this council has a positive record. It certainly has a much more open administration than Wanganui is used to.
So do you get to go to drinks at Michael's house ???. I think thats only open to a select few.
Sometimes the bitterness in this blog - including from its authors, Carol - obscures the reality & makes it harder for us to do our job of arranging a counter-team for 2007.
If you oppose or criticise everything this Laws administration does, then you lose credibility. This blog had ptential allies in the Chronicle and RCP and now its alienated both of them. It has given Laws in many cases a fresh stick to beat us all.
Colin Whitlock's tenure as CEO is a case in point. If Laws had publicly attacked him for his supposed incompetence then this blog would have been the first to criticise the mayor. Defending Dave Foster, for example, is just silly. The guy went right off the rails and you don't have to understand too much about council to know that.
More importantly the Audit report on the Port has only strengthened Laws' hand. William and Tuffy weren't to know that in lodging their complaint, but it makes the last council and mayor look like incompetent fools and added to the financial stuff-ups, Cooks Gardens and even, dare I say it, "the missing million", it gives this administration a credibility - and before you start screaming - a credibility with the average Wanganui punter.
I think we need to narrow our targets. Widening them is weakening us all.
I agree with most of the last blogger, but I don't think this blog has alienated it's self from the Chron as I know the staff still read Laws Watch. I think people on the anti/Laws side just get too heated as they know this guy is not a team player and not good long term for the city. Neither was Chas! God help us!
We definitely haven't alienated the Chron. - they were really helpful with the last ad., Morgs gave us a mention, Sean even put the dictionary definition of "world premiere" in his front page piece. I've always thought Wanganui needed a second newspaper, perhaps this is the best we can hope for at the moment.
Anger is a pretty normal facet of political discussion. It's unfortunate, but well, they said they wanted "open democracy".
Yes you have alienated the Chronic, Matt. Well not you personally but this blog. Overheard a couple of them at a well known watering hole dissing a few of the people they believed responsible.
Well, oh my god, someone slagged someone else off at a watering hole!!!!!!
It's LGOIA requests at dawn, Sean!
Relationships evolve.
Not with men, Matt. I'm not queer.
We truly hope we haven't alienated the Chron... if by "the Chron" you mean the people who work in the newsroom.
They do their best which, under the circumstances, is better than might be expected. That's why we've indicated we think they're worth a damn sight more than they're paid. We have nothing but admiration for them, few in number as they are.
If, however, you mean the people who make not only the editorial decisions but also the financial ones - then we stand by what we've said. The Chron is grossly underfunded. There aren't enough senior journalists and, as those who are there leave, the more junior reporters are expected to carry the load - for no extra pay. Who replaced Judith Lacy?
When goings-on at Council desperately cry out for analysis, there simply aren't enough staff with enough time to do it. So spin get passed off as news, and the proprietors sit in Sydney thumbing their grubby stack of $16 million dollars worth of bills, enjoying their virtual monopoly on your advertising dollars.
Wanganui deserves better. But unless they were APN executives slumming it for the day, our comments weren't aimed at the put-upon staffers moaning into their foaming amber fluid.
Not with me, you pillock. You know, I thought to myself "will readers understand that relationships can evolve between organisations, or is this concept too difficult."
Matt - you're posting at 2am. Either this blog is an obsession, or the mayor is. Either way, it's not natural, boy! Find yourself a rabbit.
Matt, there's a saying in Internet newsgroups which would appear to apply here: Please don't feed the troll :-D
:)
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